Can a Woman Raise a Boy to be a Man? Most Men Don’t Think So

A new survey at YourBlackWorld.com reveals that black men and women have different perceptions on what it takes to turn a boy into a man.  The survey finds that while most black men do not believe that a woman can raise a boy to be a man without male intervention, nearly half of all black women believe that they can.

Survey participants were asked, “Can a woman raise a boy to be a man (whatever your definition of manhood may be) without male intervention?”  Among the men, only 31.6% said that a woman could raise a boy to be a man, while the majority (57.9%) said that she could not.  Another 10.5% of all men were not sure.

The women had a different point of view.  Nearly half of all women (49.6%) said that a woman could raise a boy to be a man without male intervention, while a mildly reduced percentage (42.1%) said that she could not.  Another 8.2% said that they were not sure.

This is a complex question that serves as an intriguing and critical point of discussion within the African American community, especially given that 70% of black children are now being raised by single parents (usually women).  Also, there is no generally-accepted definition of what it means to be a man, so this adds another level of complexity to the results.

I am currently working with talented film makers Squeaky Moore and Ashley Shante on the film “Father’s Day?”  I spent a great deal of time mulling over the fatherhood issue, reflecting on my own life to help me understand the matter.  As a child, my biological father left me behind, but I was fortunate enough to be raised by another man from the age of three.  He taught me nearly everything I know about manhood, including the importance of being strong, responsible, and navigating my life among the other males I would encounter.   I am not sure if my mother could have taught me these same lessons (although she was my first and most relevant teacher in many ways).

There is a gender bias in this difficult question, given that it’s hard to “know what you don’t know.”  If I were to raise a girl by myself, there are many subtleties of being a woman that would go right over my head, like the importance of getting your hair done regularly (my daughters look just fine in pony tails), or the idea that women tend to be much cleaner than men in nearly every way (I see no reason to clean the house everyday).  Of course, these are broad generalizations, but the point is that I can’t imagine myself being able to teach a girl everything she needs to understand about managing the complex world of womanhood.

The corollary is that being a man requires instincts, skills and abilities that end up determining whether other men respect you or not.  A boy’s mother may not always understand why her son might have to confront the bully to earn his respect or why he really wants to play football in spite of the danger  – there are rights of passage for men that sometimes only other men truly get.  Also, it’s hard to know if you’ve failed to raise your child to succeed as a man or woman, for life doesn’t exactly grant you a final score for your performance.  Many of us raise children who struggle in nearly every aspect of life, and we are somehow led to believe that their struggles are the result of bad luck or a society that is stacked against them.   But we’d be lying to ourselves if we didn’t acknowledge that the majority of the young black men in prison were raised without fathers in their lives.

With that being said, the role of both parents can be of equal importance when seeing a child to adulthood.  If the primary parent is not available, then an adequate substitute might be necessary.  The job of parenting is incredibly difficult, and while it is tempting to believe that we have all the answers and always know what’s best for our kids, we may also have to have the humility to consider other points of view.  Love, selfishness and arrogance do not belong in the same spiritual space.

Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Professor at Syracuse University and founder of the Your Black World Coalition.  To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.

  • Brook

    It’s hard for a woman to know what a man needs in life.  Women think they know, but they really don’t. 

    • Mother of a Son

      Just like it’s hard for a man to what a woman wants> They think they know but they really don’t!

      • Jrotced02

        And when these fatherless men eventually leave prison, they head straight for a single mom who is already struggling, stupid and lonely, and anxious to expose her kids to another abusive neglectful relationship, and one child and prison sentence later, the cycle repeats itself. For a while, I used to think that prisons were a good thing for the black community…that they were like a “wildlife refuge,” where black men could continue to prey on one another, but would be limited to the number of men they could kill, or the amount of damage they could do to the black community. They would be released only long enough to father another child, then incarcerated yet again. They could never accumulate legitimate wealth, were subliterate, could not or would not vote, and were essentially, unemployable. Their only “contribution” therefore, is the propagation of the species, and feeding the insaitable prison industrial complex. What’s wrong with this picture?

    • Mother of a Son

      Just like it’s hard for a man to what a woman wants> They think they know but they really don’t!

    • LSmithh

      So true Brook, so true.

  • Anonymous

    Ma dukes raised us on her own during the height of the crack cocaine era in NYC. She did good. Again, thats anecdotal evidence but it can be  done. And too many of us think of gender roles when we think “manhood.” both men and women work and bring home  the bacon. Interacting and raising children is not a “woman” thing its a parenting thing.. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/nosugarcoatn Nosugarcoatn Ever

    Its goes against the Law of Nature and common LOGIC to believe a women WHO CREATED and FORMED and SUSTAINS life can not raise the very seed she brought forth. I swear men seem to be dumber by the day. Also why is the topic always about what a “women” can’t  do? Especially when the FATHERS ARE NOT SHOWING UP. If anything BLACK MEN cant raise a boy to be a man and its proof by his Absence. Misogyny again rears its head.

    And to the commenter below who stated “its hard for women to know what a man needs” Ummm YOU all don’t know what you need and what you THINK you need is based on Patriarchal culture. The one that qualifies “manhood” is not another man, unless his partner is gay, ITS A WOMAN. So again a Woman’s opinion , voice and reason is really the only thing needed.

    • Unseen Advisor

      “Liked” with sarcasm. As a single father I raised my son and readily sacrificed my social life as to not parade different women in and out of our house. Making the point paramours aren’t to be changed like underwear.Very well knowing relationships can be and are uncertain. He’s a professional, happily married and anxiously awaiting fatherhood. You women without your children’s father, need to  account for the child support received….ghetto fabulous, nails, wigs and tattoos’!

      • http://www.facebook.com/nosugarcoatn Nosugarcoatn Ever

        I think they should account for the child support received only if it is above the median child support payment AND only to men who consistently pay the above median child support payment. Further more it should also be MANDATORY that the men who want the child support accounted for, also account for where they spend their time,energy and extra money when they are away from their child.

      • http://www.facebook.com/nosugarcoatn Nosugarcoatn Ever

        I think they should account for the child support received only if it is above the median child support payment AND only to men who consistently pay the above median child support payment. Further more it should also be MANDATORY that the men who want the child support accounted for, also account for where they spend their time,energy and extra money when they are away from their child.

        • Peaceful Human Being

          And the women account for all the men that drop semen on their sheets and monies collected for services! LOL, call that “anger and inner violence”! As long as you’re collecting support, it’s none of your business who and where he spends his time. Most of you won’t permit the fathers to visit with their children. I’m through…CLICK!

          • http://www.facebook.com/nosugarcoatn Nosugarcoatn Ever

            You typed “Most of you won’t permit the fathers to visit with their children”

            If that is true please pose the stats on the women who do not allow the
            fathers to visit and why? Other than that, its the opinion of a
            emotionally immature male who probably got caught putting “semen on
            other women’s sheets” and got called out and put out for it..smh.

            And as long as men want women to be accountable for MONEY then he has to be accountable for TIME. Fair is Fair….CLICK! ROFL!

          • Smithl06

            You don’t need stats if you see with the eyes you were born with, LOL!

            But I understand.  An old West African tale states that a skunk does not know it stinks…(paraphrased)

            So I can see where you would not see this.

      • you have got to be kidding me

        WOW! Unseen Advisor…. you seem angry because you ended up raising your son on your own…… (BLACK WOMEN HAVE BEEN DOING IT FOR  CENTURIES) That should have given you more respect for those of us WOMEN who have been and have had to do it on our own……It is by no means an easy task…. and most of us sacrifice our social lives as well…..
        Since slavery days we(Black Women) have had no choice but to raise the gifts given to us by God but co-created with men that were not up to the task and decided to run and hide from responsibility…..yet we stay and figure it out as we go along…. are we all perfect? of course not…but most of us do the best that we can with what we know…

        And as a single woman that has raised my own male child as well as someone else’s male child….(they are both now young men…..both in college and working towards their bright and prosperous futures and careers)…i know first hand that they are angry…..and its NOT because I WAS THERE….its because of the absence of their fathers and the lack of show if interest in helping them evolve into manhood from adult male family members…   that did nothing but sit back and judge every time I or they made a mistake in trying to figure this whole thing of life and how it should go out…

        A woman should not have to show her son how to stand up and pee …..BUT I DID IT…… as many other women have and do….but we do it…..
        because we have no choice….so we “man up” such a shame to have to use that term…  and DO IT!
        And so many of you ARE the product of a man that WAS raised by a woman and taught how to be a man……the men that you are today….. the  men that can go on and then raise their own  by themselves if need be….. and know what to do because WE have been that example …

        The lack of appreciation to Black women is disgusting…. we never get any kudos or thanks from the very beings that we protected and taught lifes lessons to so that they could be who they are today…

        trust me! the black women you called “Ghetto fabulous” would LOVE for our men to “MAN UP” and take their God intended place in our homes and communities.. so that we can focus on our roles as women….
        But until then………I guess we will have to continue to press on and keep our world moving….

    • Smithl06

      I’m sorry, but women DO NOT create or form life….they are the temple in which God’s creation and formation of life takes place, just as Men provide the spark of life, without which NOTHING would take place.

      I am always amazed when women claim “misogyny” in the face of an event.  It’s invoked so often, one can be inclined that “he” is a real person.  Let’s call him, Mr. Misogyny, the black man that always has a job.

      In this case, you invoke Mr. Misogyny to say that Father’s are absent without telling why.  True, some men avoid there responsibilities, but you don’t mention how some women (girls, really) make it hard for the Father to BE in their kids life, withholding visitation, poisoning the kids mind with YOUR opinions so the child doesn’t want to see the Father, and the list goes on.  To me (and I’m not a Father yet), looking around the black community, the above is more common that a guy just upping and leaving.  I learned, at a young age, that “men ain’t s*it” and are “dogs”…from women.   Take that for a self image shaper. 

      So for me, it’s obvious that a woman cannot raise a Man TO BE a Man.

      I do believe that they can raise boys to be citizens……but if the murder rates in our cities are to be judged…no, they cannot raise Men to be Men.

      On a side note, it always amuses me when jailbirds come home, try to straighten their lives out, and claim how effective their mother’s were in rearing them.  I think to myself “If she was so effective, why did you end up in jail?”

      • http://www.facebook.com/nosugarcoatn Nosugarcoatn Ever

        I’m sorry, but women DO NOT create or form life….they are the temple
        in which God’s creation and formation of life takes place, just as Men
        provide the spark of life, without which NOTHING would take place.

        That is a LIE and can not be proved scientically. Women have and will again have children without men. For your statement to be true, first you need to prove Your “God” exists. When you prove that to me, then I will engage you further. Until then the ONLY GOD IS WOMEN. and YOU come from her. You are a deformed women. That is scientific FACT.

        • Smithl06

          Women produce without men….wow….you’re nuts, along with everything else you said….

          /end conversation

          • Died_LMAO!

            “Women produce without men….wow….you’re nuts, along with everything else you said….” <- ahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahaq

        • AnthonyII

          Lot of stuff going on here Nosugar. Unless cloning is much older than we’ve been led to believe, I hope I don’t live long enough to see this come to pass.  The last asexual reproduction that is on any books was the Virgin Mary and I personally have needed a lot more proof than just someone sayin it happened and put it in a book that is never to be questioned regardless of how unreasonable the premise may be.
          If as science is now claiming , that the first, (or at least the oldest) human remains to be unearthed are those of an African Women, that still requires some processing. 
          If Eve’s are the oldest remains unearthed to date, that doesn’t automatically mean there wasn’t an Adam hangin around somewhere.  Just means they ain’t found him yet. (Don’t go there)
          If Eve’s are the first human remains unearthed, then using your rationale, why did she mess things up by birthing a man? Now if you flip the script on the Garden of Eden story and Eve was created first while Adam was formed from one of her ribs, at least we’re gettin closer to what’s goin on today. Who knows, maybe a “rib” meant something else in biblical times.( Dag, where am I?? How did I get here?)  
          Back to the topic, I know women who’ve raised boys who grew to be great examples of strong, responsible manhood. Did they do it alone? was there support from family, community?  Very little is accomplished on one’s own.  My father raised three boys after my mother died and he is my silent hero because he showed by example how to stand up. He didn’t do it alone as the other women in the family, community stepped up as well.
          If this survey question is intended to spark debate on this level, that’s a good thing. However the passion in your argument lacks reason, not to mention something that resembles proof. 
             

        • Muffy

          Are you on crack? Go back to science class. It take two, but the male creates the gender of the child and the woman carries the child. Stop going against science!

    • Smithl06

      I’m sorry, but women DO NOT create or form life….they are the temple in which God’s creation and formation of life takes place, just as Men provide the spark of life, without which NOTHING would take place.

      I am always amazed when women claim “misogyny” in the face of an event.  It’s invoked so often, one can be inclined that “he” is a real person.  Let’s call him, Mr. Misogyny, the black man that always has a job.

      In this case, you invoke Mr. Misogyny to say that Father’s are absent without telling why.  True, some men avoid there responsibilities, but you don’t mention how some women (girls, really) make it hard for the Father to BE in their kids life, withholding visitation, poisoning the kids mind with YOUR opinions so the child doesn’t want to see the Father, and the list goes on.  To me (and I’m not a Father yet), looking around the black community, the above is more common that a guy just upping and leaving.  I learned, at a young age, that “men ain’t s*it” and are “dogs”…from women.   Take that for a self image shaper. 

      So for me, it’s obvious that a woman cannot raise a Man TO BE a Man.

      I do believe that they can raise boys to be citizens……but if the murder rates in our cities are to be judged…no, they cannot raise Men to be Men.

      On a side note, it always amuses me when jailbirds come home, try to straighten their lives out, and claim how effective their mother’s were in rearing them.  I think to myself “If she was so effective, why did you end up in jail?”

    • Unseen Advisor

      I have no idea to whom you’re referring but it’s responses such as yours that “you know it all mom” sends males into the streets and than prison. “voice and reason is really the only thing needed”. Catch this Nosugarcoatn Ever, where ignorance is tolerated, intelligence cannot prevail! Stuff that in your…..pipe!!

      • http://www.facebook.com/nosugarcoatn Nosugarcoatn Ever

        ummmmm your anger and inner violence that shows when you don’t like an opinion different from yours is WHY they are going to the street and prison. You all are to violent emotionally immature. Patriarchy has taught you all to be that way.

        “stuff that in your pipe” comment is proof. When you are ready to talk to a therapist, contact me.

        • Peaceful Human Being

          Anger and inner violence?? And you call yourself a therapist!
          I have no room for anger and violence, wrong call with me sustah!!
          Contact you?? For what….SMH!

          • http://www.facebook.com/nosugarcoatn Nosugarcoatn Ever

            LOL Look at all your exclamation..ROFL Don’t pop a blood vessel..

        • Anonymous

            Break down therapist.   The Rapist. Who in the world would want to talk to The Rapist. Much less one who would advocate emasculation to become like “The Goddess.”

        • Hope

          LADY your opinion in men is shot to hell, I feel sorry for you. The therapist whom needs one her self, WOW!!! Good luck with that sweet cakes. 

      • Raised2

        Seems like alot rest on the shoulders of women…..where the MEN at. And for your information “Unseen Advisor” (because you can’t see), it is the absence of MEN who send these males into the streets and to prison. They are following you a**hole, not being lead.

        • LSmith

          Really?  It is the absence of men that sends boys to jail?  Mother’s have nothing to do with it?  I mean, YOU ARE there, shouldn’t you know your son is committing a crime?

          Wow…..we have responsibility issues on both sides of the aisle, and things will not get better until we both as men and women recognize this.  I see men trying, but women still denying.  We as a people will get NOWHERE with this.

        • Anonymous

          AMen!!! 

        • Hope

          Finally someone who makes sense. I agree brother it is the absence of us MEN that is destroying our youth. Ok ladies there it is.

    • Unseen Advisor

      I have no idea to whom you’re referring but it’s responses such as yours that “you know it all mom” sends males into the streets and than prison. “voice and reason is really the only thing needed”. Catch this Nosugarcoatn Ever, where ignorance is tolerated, intelligence cannot prevail! Stuff that in your…..pipe!!

    • Anonymous

         Bitterness thy name is woman.  We have wars to this day because a woman elevated her son to the level of god. She formed political alliances with her own body. If the opposing ruler did not comply she would sick her son on them in a war that they could not win. What we currently have is based on misapplied Matriarchal Culture. The mother enlisted  the male child to remove the Patriarch.
      A mother and child alliance for total control. A total rejection of loving leadership.
      Anything that resembles God the Father has to be evil. If you worship nature then you are an  idolater and have rejected the ultimate Patriarch God Himself the source of all knowledge and understanding. God who created nature when he terraformed this planet and seeded it with beings that He would later make immortal with His divine sinless nature. The matriarchy set up a system of prostitution to finance the shrines and had men emasculating themselves so that they could be like “The Goddess.” If we look to the matriarchy we are men most dead indeed.

      • http://www.facebook.com/nosugarcoatn Nosugarcoatn Ever

        The only accurate thing you stated in this entire foolish post was this..
        “We have wars to this day because a woman elevated her son to the level of god”

        Yep if the instance women would NEVER have given men power “which they were never suppose to have” AND if those same insane would have aborted the 1st born male or had QUEEN Akenaton plan to killt he 1st born males worked, then the male race would not be here to screw the planet up with WAR. Men and War go hand in hand, nature fought you all even coming to this planet and it would have won had it not been for the Mothers who fell in love with their degenerate male children. Anything as vile and war like as most of you men, need to be emasculated. GO GODDESS GO!!!!

    • Mreewj

      This wouldnt be such as big an issue if people would have more decency about themselves and stop living worse than animals by having all these kids and can not take care of or be there in the capacity of being a family unit. I am really disgusted at how some people are living (Look at the Jerry Springer, Maury shows and there are many others)  Its a whole lotta sexual promiscuity going on resulting in children being brought into situations where there is no commitment between those who brought them into this world. Its not the childrens fault. 

    • Anonymous

      I really like the way you started your statement.  You just go a bit to far with your 180 degree counter statement about men not being able to get the job done.  But to your credit, I have to say if a man is a good father, husband, leader in the home, he is doing nearly all that a man needs to do, by simply providing a model for the child to emulate.  As we know, children often learn best when they don’t know you are teaching them, esp boys.  Boys watching men being men often works better that woman telling boys how to be men.

    • Charsjcca

      Momma’s baby, daddy’s maybe. What man would assume the falsity of his ego? 

    • KREDDICK2

      Your thoughts and views as a woman on the insights and internal structure of man by it”s very nature can only be supeficial, I still love you sister.

    • Muffy

      And you hate men. Talk about hypocrisy, but most feminazis are.  That’s no different from the guys who claim women cannot raise a man. I’m female if you wanted to know.

    • Hope

      Shut up LADY, you sound so angry ;a woman can not raise a man. Maybe that’s why you say men are getting dumber by the day its because a women can’t raise a MAN so slow your roll.

  • Metafly

    I am the mother of 4 sons. I beleieve i can raise my boys to be productive, caring civic minded, upright human beings. There are for things all boys MUST know or possess in order to conquer whatever they may face. They must be academically successful. They must know how to defend themseves, mentally and physically. They must be discerning in order o choose thei battles wisely and they must have a spiritual connection. Those are the basics. I know they need male role models. Got it. But they are few and far between. Too effeminate, womanizing, indifferent, racially biased toward african american women…. I’ll work it out on my own.

    • Ebony_man2010

      …and that’s why black people are in the situation we are today. Far too many black women “worked it out on their own” and the vast majority fell flat on their faces. The people who paid the heaviest price for that sort of arrogance are black men. Since you have such a low opinion of black men how the hell can you instill any sort of self esteem in your sons?…and that’s ultimately the problem. Statistically you stand a better chance of raising your sons to be inmates than college students. You made a choice and chose to “worked it out on your own” but I’m pretty sure you like a lot of of black single mothers will find a way to blame black men for YOUR failure.

      • LSmith

        Speak it!

  • Make Gaines

    The making of a man is influenced by the support system he has around him.  This can come from a single mom, father, mentor, grandparent, church, nonprofit organization, interactions at school, etc.  If this supporting elements aren’t healthy the results will be shakey at best.  Instead of spending energy taking about ifa single mom can raise a boy to be a man, let’s raise boys to be men regardless of how it is done.   

    • Evansturnstone

      Okay, I am now in my 60s…..I went through some years with the ups and downs like everyone else, and of course I received my education, got a few nice jobs, and I have a family of my own.  As I look back on it all, I can only say that within the house that I lived in there was a woman, a lady, all by herself, no husband  for her, no father for me in the same house.  My older siblings basically were old enough to be my parents in one way, but they got married and had children….these children were old enough to be my siblings.  However, they never really lived with my mom and me.  also my father was in n.c. , and I managed to hear from him at the time.  He was never married to my mom.  So now that made my mom having to raise this crazy little boy, bringing me up the best way she could.  I survived everything from being a latchkey kid to growing up in the streets.  I grew from that boy into a man.  Mom was  a great person doing the best she could with me. AND I was really no nice all of the time.  J

  • Beverly

    I think it would be best if both parents were involved with raising their son(s) but if the father is absent, I think that the mother can take over as being a good parent because I have a son, I divorced his father when he was 1 year old, my ex-husband was a bad example as a father figure and as a man to his own cause. My son, now is a productive man, never been in trouble with the law, he has talent, he’s a good man and I like to think I have something to do with how he turned out, I will not say I did not make some mistakes when I was raising him but I can say, he could not have turned out any better than if a man was present in the home.

    It just depends on the person involved as a whole, if a woman has her head on straight, stay away from bad influence and remain a good person, things can and will be better, no matter how dim things may look at times, it all about being responsible as a mother.

    • Jrotced02

      Gee… you think that maybe you were in such a hurry for that dash down the aisle, you didn’t stop to think about your poor choice in men? What happened to him, between the time he said “I do,” and you said ” I don’t?” Marriage is not like winning the lottery. It is a lifelong investment on time, emotions, and resources.

      • Unseen Advisor

        Amen!! Tell it like it tis!!

      • Beverly

        I thought, I was marrying a nice man but to my finding, I had not. I am sure most people have heard you can live with a person and never really know who they are. My son father would not had sat a good example for him. I walked away without having any regrets that is the problem with some women, they think they can not stand on their own two feet, so they settle for what is not good for them, it does not only affect her mentally it has negative feedback on the child or children as well. When something is toxic, it’s best to get away from it. 

        I love my son. Raising him was not always easy, sometime now he will tell his girlfriend, how much he loves me and how I raised him without his father present in the home. We can never put too much emphasis on just one priority. There are solution to every situation, it just takes the right method to solve it.

  • Poetee

    I suppose we will have to use statistics since it is reported that Black women are the heads of most Black family households are the Black fahernis mission for on reason or the other. the next thing would be to define what one think a man is beyond the gender. Can two elderly parents with a grade school education raise a child who grows up an obtain a masters degree in an education filed? I think it’s important for women not to try to take on the male role because a woman can only be a woman and that sets a young child up to mentally think it’s ok to raise a child alone when the best for a child is a “healthy” two parent home. during the. Holds life time, there will be many male figures that the child can mentally gravitate to when the mother is the best that she can be in her role. Things happen in life and having a child know this , but providing a child with love, food, clothing and shelter is the beginning for a healthy child that is ot a bitter adult feeling down because some always reminded him of wht was missing as opposed to what was left as a blessing and that is a mom who has her life together and other male figures, an uncle, a pastor( ot the ones who like little boys), a teacher etc. You see God does not lie, raise that child up in the way that he or she should go……….. Set a child up for failure, and more than likely they will not disappoint you!

    • Men4man14

      Type you Man4men@hotmail.com
      We are a animus group of highly intelligent men, most hold phd’s other members are referral’s and are excepted only after a
      Intensive interview, to prove that they are truly men with all the values and mannerism of true men and must be a member of the NRA for a minimum of 10 years, we are a nonprofit group, doing things to better the role of men and the role we play,
      Being a masculine of our species.
      We teach how men lived from the beginning of our human civilization with hunting & fishing and using only your hands to build and set traps and skinning animals with out a knife or any tools unless created in the outdoors with the materials that the environment provides.
      And we teach values for young men to live by such as the two rules to fighting
      (NEVER HIT GIRLS) & (NEVER HIT FIRST)
      If more of our young men followed the simple rules there would be less violence.
      We don’t tell boys not to fight, but to know when to fight and when not to fight,
      We understand that boys are ruff and like to compete, but we teach them that violence is a battle with in us and to control that urge is what manhood is about.
      And we teach then to in rich their self’s, with art and philosophy, and then they will understand.
      And only then, real Wisdom will follow them.
      But don’t get our group wrong, there is a place for the female in our lives
      But for a man to Raise a girl their will be certain difficulties, for him that a mother would do much better,
      We don’t think its impossible for a man to raise a girl, because it has been done quite well in fact, we do take our hats off to those men who have pulled it off.
      The only thing we are trying to say is that young men need guidance. And when they don’t get the guidance they need, than they are not sure of their self or try to be cool or act like someone else, when we just want them to be their self’s, because cool is not how you act, cool is who you are.
      We do have a hand book for young men its our 10 commandments for men to follow.
      If enough people request it
      And if I get clearance to post it, I will do so
      See most members see young men with certain personality flaws, will than, request help for them by donating personal time to help other people.
      With skills of their profession some members are doctors some are dentist and some are just ordinary people who want to help, because one of our values is you cant complain of the way things are unless your trying to make things better no matter how big or small.
      r comment here.

  • Anonymous

    First of all, the question needs to be clearer.  Nobody, man or woman, raises a child in  social isolation.  They may provide the home and other supports for the child’s well being, but the raising of that child occurs through all of the human contacts and other influences touching that child’s life.

    What do you mean by “male intervention ?  Another good question is what do you mean by “to be a man ?”  Manhood means different things to different people.  When you start trying to define it, you come up with as many definitions as there are perspectives, some held by men, some held by women, some held by both.  There are gender biases, age biases, biases held by certain social groups, etc.

    I feel that generally children benefit from growing up with two parents, but that circumstance is not always possible.  Women can sustain boys to sucessful manhood.  Men can sustain girls to successful womanhood.  The important thing is that the individual reach a point of being a productive member of society.  Many factors contribute to this end.  There are myriad reasons why some do not.  Whether or not they are raised by a person of one gender or another is not primary among those reasons.  One must take into consideration the entire social milieu.     

    • http://www.facebook.com/nosugarcoatn Nosugarcoatn Ever

      Your comment IS the Best on this topic!

      • Anonymous

        Thank you, Nosugarcoatn Ever.  Your moniker is what it is all about.   MASN29

        ________________________________

      • Anonymous

        Thank you, Nosugarcoatn Ever.  Your moniker is what it is all about.   MASN29

        ________________________________

    • Smithl06

      What do you mean “what does it mean” to be a man?  Why are Americans the only one’s confused bout this?  How come aboriginal cultures, Asian cultures, Indians, everyone else except the West seems to “know” what it means to be a man?

      Hell, even women here in America recognize the difference between testosterone and estrogen….why are you confused?

      I know what MY responsibilities are…the question is, how come what I and the rest of the world takes as “normal” is not “normal” here? 

      Oh wait, feminism (3rd wave) and the destruction of the family.  Forgot about that.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_YZBVEX5HBEB43KGPJ342QJI5OU John John

    If we take a long look at our society, we see the ramification of absent fathers. We see the product of women raising boys. Nearly eighty percent of black men in prison came from a single-parent home, and never learned how to stand up like a man. The selfishness of both men and women in our community has ripped apart our base, destroyed our homes, and bound our wrists to the prison system for years to come. It can be done, but most of the time it’s not.

  • Tychallat

    Doc,you broke it down minus the emotion that can cloud one’s reasoning.My father was not in the home so I had to play catch up and learn on the fly ,compared to my buddies that had dads in their home.If most men were honest and not let the love they have for their mother get in the way of an honest assessment of this issue,the numbers would be about 81 % instead of 57.9% of men saying women can’t.The irony is if a positive male figure is in the home,the natural balance that comes with this makes a boy less likely to fall victim to mother worship.Mother worship will have you going against your natural male instincts because Momma said different and you don’t want to do or say anything that your momma doesn’t like,even thou it’s the right thing to do or say.It’s all relative to how your momma feels,because no man is there to bring balance,the main ingredient of the universe.I have heard women say they are right even when they are wrong,and they whispered in their son’s ear when they were toddlers,”you will fear me”.Not respect her,but fear her.She knew that it is not natural for males to fear females,so she took it on herself to braindirty her son into doing so.She never did this to her daughter.

    • LSmith

      Excellent observation.

    • Anonymous

      The question of whether women can raise boys to be men is a non-issue. Women are raising boys. Many are doing the best they can, so judging whether they can do it better than men is ridiculous. There are plenty of “good enough” mothers and fathers out there. Those who expect perfection from parents or other people in general often fail to live up to even basic standards themselves.

      Too many people are simply lazy, irresponsible and want to shift blame to others for their lack of efforts. Mothers are not responsible for the failure of absent fathers who let their egos rule rather than try to have a relationship with their children — whether or not they live in the same household with the mother and child.

      What Tychallat refers to as “mother worship” does not have to be a permanent aspect of a person’s life, male or female. There are human developmental stages and psychosocial transitions people need for maturity as they grow from being a child into young adulthood and adulthood. Many people get stuck and stay stranded emotionally in a child-like way of relating to the world.  Part of a parent’s job is to help children know themselves — their strengths and limitations. Another part is helping kids understand inter-dependence and boundaries that allow respect for self and others, and cooperation required for civility and co-existence with diverse people.

      When parents do not allow their children to “grow up” because they want to keep them dependent on them, this can result in males and females wanting their partners in adult relationships to “parent” them beyond what is reasonable to expect. When an individual’s thinking doesn’t mature, they fail to learn how to be their own person, without their own unique identity. They often become “takers” who feel entitled to suck others dry, and some will try to blame it all on their parents forever.

      Parenting is challenging for anyone. Both men and women have a role in raising the children they bring into the world, but no one can be all things to anyone. Parents will make mistakes, as will their offspring. There will be gaps in knowledge and limited understanding about how to handle some situations. That’s why we need to ask questions to learn from others with experience as well as read books to get new ideas. This is where the “village” can help — relatives, teachers, church members, neighbors and others can make a difference in the lives of children.

      Shouldn’t the primary question be how to raise human beings — gender is important, but secondary to the human growth and development stuff that both males and females need to become whole people. The village that should help in raising children needs to be compassionate, accountable, mentally-healthy and growth-oriented people themselves, not stuck-on-stupid types (and this applies to parents as well as others).

  • Andrea

    I believe so. However, I do believe that there must be a significant, positive male role model somewhere in the midst. A woman can easily teach a young boy the mannerisms and behaviors of how to be a man. Unfortunately, sometimes we tend to based our ideology on what “we” think a man should be. This will greatly impact how we raise our boys, especially if there was a negative perception of the male role model. A boy can benefit from the emotional tendencies and behaviors that woman naturally possess. However, the social interaction and exposure, as well as the parent’s attitude toward the male society will play a significant role in the successful upbringing of that male child. If this question were posed to me ten years ago, I would have responded differently. In a time where social values and morales have changed significantly, we have seen so many ethnicites and genders step up to the plate. With unbias, logical and unconditional love any woman can raise a male child to be a man.  I witness this over and over again, here in Georgia. I must give credit to the men who raise their daughters, as well. It’s simply beautiful.

  • Meanchick

    If there is no father in the home, which is the case MANY times, a mother has no choice but to raise her son the best way she knows how. A mother can teach her son right from wrong and raise him to be respectful and place around him good examples of how to be a good man through a mentor, Big Brother or male role models within the family. I don’t believe that anyone can teach a child how to be a man ior a woman, it’s more about leading by example. Your child observes you more than you realize, so it’s not what you say, it’s what you do that influences the child more than anyting else. Even if the father is not around, it influences the child. It tells the boys that they don’t don’t need to be responsible for their own children and it tell the girls that it’s okay to get involved with an irresponsible man.
    You can talk your children to death, but at the end of the day, it’s what YOU DO that affects and influences them the most. Men who complain that they can’t see their kids because they don’t pay child support and crap all over the woman who is doing TWO jobs NEVER see the bigger picture. Children are sponges. They soak up the good and the bad.

  • Anonymous

    Can a woman raise a boy to be a man who is an individual like herself? Yes. The scriptures say…”Forget not the law of your mother.”  But children video tape and interact with their environment.Role and identity must be present in order to have a working knowledge, at least on  a subconscious level, of how to make being viable, dynamic and active beyond “I think therefore I am.” Male role models are needed. That is why family was instituted from the beginning. The Kingdom of God is family.

  • Anonymous

    Why are black girls and women the only ones that have to shoulder the
    bulk of responsibility when it comes to sexual partners and life
    choices? It takes two to create a life but men are given the option of
    signing off when they get tired. Men need to stop having sex with women
    unprotected, stupidly believing that these women are using birth
    control. I have a 19-year-old son and I constantly tell him not to put
    the future of his unborn children in the hands of some crazy, unstable
    woman just because she has a big butt and a smile.

    • LSmith

      In answer to your question, talk to God.  It was his design, lol.  As for your second assertion, I hope he takes heed.  God Bless.

      • Anonymous

        I do not think it was in God’s design for men to be so irresponsible and foolish when it comes to sexual matters. In Black culture, particularly in the inner-city, men are socialized to believe that the only thing they have of value is their penises. That is why you will will notice that on any street corner in any inner-city Black community, some man is bragging about how many whores and bitches he has. Not about the business deal he just closed or how his stock has gone up  but how many women he has.

        • Smithl06

          You did not say that in your question.  You asked ” It takes two to create a life but men are given the option of
          signing off when they get tired”.  I said “Talk to God”.  Next time, please say what you really mean, lol!

          As for bragging about women, it’s a guy thing related to conquest.  As a MAN I can say so confidently, and assure you that it is nothing more than that.  However, the “focus” on that being a Black guy’s only value, well, there may be some truth to that.  But I promise, behind closed doors, all men think the same in this regard, at least those who are successful with women.

  • Meccanaje

    Since my grandma raised all, her 13 children to be successful men (8) and women (5)…If she can raise 8, I know I can raise my one son…yes I try to surround him around postitive men..out must gets scary because the majority of gay young boys are raped by men in, thee church or family. I would kill for my son with that said I know not all black men rape but the thought causes you to be overprotective. My son plays football and attends church but I do not allow him, to be alone with anyone unless I am close by. A young boy was just raped in the bathroom at the library and was scared to scream out but endured that pain!! So now we have too watch men with our sons. It’s so scary to think and hard to be so trusting!

    • LSmith

      So wait, a couple bad things happen, and now all men are Pedo’s?  As if women don’t molest children?  Remember Mary Kay Latournou? (sp)  It’s that women are looked at as “nurturing” and “safe”.  And if something inappropriate happens, it’s “twisted love”…bs.

      And the thing is, alot of Black Women think like you….sad…I’m not judging you…it’s just all so sad.

    • LSmith

      So wait, a couple bad things happen, and now all men are Pedo’s?  As if women don’t molest children?  Remember Mary Kay Latournou? (sp)  It’s that women are looked at as “nurturing” and “safe”.  And if something inappropriate happens, it’s “twisted love”…bs.

      And the thing is, alot of Black Women think like you….sad…I’m not judging you…it’s just all so sad.

    • LSmith

      So wait, a couple bad things happen, and now all men are Pedo’s?  As if women don’t molest children?  Remember Mary Kay Latournou? (sp)  It’s that women are looked at as “nurturing” and “safe”.  And if something inappropriate happens, it’s “twisted love”…bs.

      And the thing is, alot of Black Women think like you….sad…I’m not judging you…it’s just all so sad.

  • Anonymous

    Can a Woman Raise a Boy to be a Man? A stupid question like that does not any require an answer…just a very long stare punctuated with silence.

    • LSmith

      Okay, then why are so many Black Men in jail?

      • Anonymous

        …because a woman “can not” raise a boy to be a man? it is the obvious that makes the question stupid

      • http://www.facebook.com/nosugarcoatn Nosugarcoatn Ever

        That’s easy. They are in Jail because THEY CHOOSE to do something that put them their. THEIR choice THEIR responsibility.

        • Smithl06

          Right…..how they were raised (by their mom’s) has NOTHING to do with it :/  (rolls eyes, lol)

          • Anonymous

            The mere mention of you “rolling your eyes” is indicative why a woman can’t raise a man. men teach critical thinking to their sons whereas men raised by women are more emotional and expressive such as “rolling their eyes”

          • LSmith

            LOL!!!  Seriously?  Oh, I get it, I’m supposed to be like Spock from Star Trek

            Should I grow pointy ears too?

            Grow up, it’s an expression.  If you cannot do that, I’m not even sure you’re Human, let alone a “Man”.

          • Anonymous

            Rolling your eyes is a feminine and gay expression.Men look you straight in the eye.

          • LSmith

            Wow, I didn’t know I can look at you “straight in the eye” through a computer.

            Seriously, are you even old enough to use this thing?

            Look, let me break it down son, since this medium is based on text, then what you write must express your line of thought.

            Simple enough?

            Do you think that everyone who “LOL’s” really laughs out loud?

            No, it’s an expression.

            Just like “rolls eyes”

            If you want a further lesson in communication or netspeak, feel free to let me know. 

            Until then, please back away from the keyboard….LOL

          • Anonymous

            I said men “Men look you straight in the eye..

            I did not say for you to” look me straight in the eye”

            Instead of writing in “expressions” try writing in “specificity.” like i do and that way there are no misinterpretations.

            Whether or not you actually “LOL or “roll your eyes” is whether here nor there but if you indicate such actions through abbreveations,slang, ebonics or euphemisms then such shall be the vision from the reader.         

          • LSmith

            See, the thing is, why are “expressions” so hard for you to comprehend, that you cannot see their use in literal language.  i.e. “specificity”, as you call it.

            Our greatest orators and griots throughout history were Men who understood the use of allegory properly placed to both teach and move the masses.

            Yet, this seems beyond you….

            That is fine so long as you do not open your mouth and reveal who you are.Seriously, where is this conversation going to go next, who’s d*ck is bigger?  (mine) Who can p*ss farther?  (me)  LOL

            What else can be expected other than to say please stay in your lane on the topic…we obviously both hold similar viewpoints….and stop swerving….if that’s not too much to ask, thx.

          • Anonymous

            See, the thing is, why are “expressions” so hard for you to comprehend, that you
            cannot see their use in literal language

  • Anonymous

    Can a Woman Raise a Boy to be a Man? A stupid question like that does not any require an answer…just a very long stare punctuated with silence.

  • Dee

     Well, the reality is that a lot of black women ARE raising boys to be men and they are turning out a hell of a lot better men than the father that abandoned them.

  • Dee

     Well, the reality is that a lot of black women ARE raising boys to be men and they are turning out a hell of a lot better men than the father that abandoned them.

    • Unseen Advisor

      Dee: If  women would be more select in your paramours, avoiding thugs, crack heads, SSI recipients and hood rats, you’d find a decent, stable man. A young woman was telling another in the restaurant (I was eavesdropping) girl, Bryant is alright, got a good job at the bank but he’s boring, movies, Broadway shows, museums, art galleries, zoo and walking the mall, but I need a roughneck to get my S**T off! He’s alright in bed but he believes in this “foreplay S**t” “to get ready and girl he won’t touch my ” coochie” without a rubber”, “like I might got somethin’, “I like to feel the good meat without saran-wrap”! They burst out in laughter.
      “Girl, I need a man with a hard d**k ready for action”! Again, laughter. “The only reason I put up with his ass is because he takes care of me and my son”. “My son likes him better than his own daddy”. “He took us horseback riding last Saturday, girl I couldn’t wait to get the F**k back home”.  I’m dropping his ass after I get this car, F**k him I’ll have my own F**k’n wheels, won’t need his ass”! Both of them had a good laugh!

  • Nothing But The Truth!

    We see a multiplicity of evidence in our community, every day that indicates beyond any reasonable doubt that our women make a major, oftentimes irreparable, mistake to think that they have the ability to raise boys to become men. Women may raise boys to become adult males very successfully, but those adult males may not be men, or even wish to be men. Women must not take these bogus, unfounded and biased presentations, based on their own personal, limited child-rearing experiences and challenges and attempt to advance them as even a semblance on the norm. They are absolutely not! When they expand their presentations to include the facts as borne by raw statistics, it would be genuinely clear that it takes men to raise boys who wish to become men, just as it really takes women to raise girls who wish to become women.

    When one observes the behavior of many men in prison and the behavior of professional athletes, it is quite easy to determine which ones probably have had their Father, or a positive male role model(s), in their life! When there are periods of instant, mass and compliant stupidity, as shown by the many males in our community wearing their pants dropping off their as*ies, it is compelling evidence that Fathers, or positive male role models, are absent from those many homes! Women can’t control that, but men and Fathers can. Women cannot even control their Daughters as these young girls are buying hair and dressing like women a long time before they become women! If men and Fathers were in those homes, this phenomenon would not be happening. You-the women of our community- are the reason our community is in disarray, but we-the men of the community are the ones who caused this disarray! This craziness will probably continue until such time that we-the men and women of the community-realize that our Children needs both of us, working cooperatively, to be whole. Amandla! The Power Is Ours!

  • @Prof_Morris

    Doc you are right-on…I work with boys being raised without a father. To a woman, their mothers admit that there are things about manhood that they can’t teach their boys. As one man stated, “mothers generally raise their sons to be the best woman he can be.” Having been raised most of my life by a single mother, I had to learn the hard way how to be assertive, deal with the bully, stay in the fight and not quit. By the grace of God, I’ve progressed and helped my sons to be men.

  • http://rosahoodherring.com Rosa Hood Herring, DSW, LCSW-C

    I would like to introduce those of you who found this article interesting and thoughtful to my recently published book: NO BLAME/NO SHAME: Self Empowerment Tools For Healing and Building Stronger Families. This book addresses parenting issues for single parents and others who influence the development of children in any way. Check web site: http://rosahoodherring:com.

  • Vernrudolph

    The chasm appears to be widening when it comes to Black women being able to raise a manchild. My moter was a single parent, my Dad passing away when i was 6, he left me with the knowledge of what a man should be and that is the guy who goes to work everyday and takes care of his family. When he diedall that came to an end and for the next 10 yrs my life was hell on earth. My Moms did what she could but without the teachings of the males in the neighborhood i don’t know where i’d be. They taught me how to hustle and take care of myself and along with my Moms, to never let anyone hurt me. I do owe a great deal to Moms for teaching me how to deal with the opposite sex and for that i am eternally grateful. So the answer to the question is it takes a man and a woman to raise a manchild. Women of today err when they try and do everything for their boys and dote on them and fight their battles for them. They don’t know when to let go and let them fend for themselves which is why we see men in their 30’s still stuck up under Mama. For the sake of brevity, I repeat, it works best with 2 parents who do their part in raising an intelligent,well mannered, confident child who knows the difference between right and wrong and has a healthy respect for others. In a lot of single parent homes it doesn’t appear to be working that way.

  • Jrotced02

    Until a black woman has enough self pride and esteem to stop settling for men who want to use and abuse them, then believe they are contributing something by bringing a child into the world who will be a burden on society, this cycle will continue. All of you never-married single moms are living proof. The father of your child didn’t want you, and no decent man ever will. Get with the program, and keep your knees together. It’s not a great tragedy to go through life alone. Better that than the Sunday visit to the local prison, or cemetary.

    • Unseen Advisor

      Speak brother, speak the truth!!!!

  • Sbg0718

    With few exceptions, these comments are gender biased, stereotypical, caustic and combative in tone!  Most appear to come from a place of personal experience, which is limited, and thus gives rise to prejudicial remarks instead of objective ones.  I personally feel that this is a faulty premise and divisive issue because it truly takes a village to raise a child, whatever the gender!  Also, if you are going to raise an issue of women raising boys to be men, where is the counterbalance?  Most of the men here are repeatedly taking women to task without giving them any credit for their efforts, while ignoring the very valid factor of the irresponsibility and absence of too many Black fathers. Likewise, most women are reacting as if they are taking the question personally and, therefore, defending themselves while attacking their male counterparts.
    The fact is, by far, we do not grow up in isolation and there are MANY influences in our lives that form and shape us into who we are.  That makes what has happened and is happening to our sons and daughters OUR responsibility…COLLECTIVELY…neither sex is totally guilty or totally innocent!  I suggest that the focus should not be on whether or not a “woman can raise a boy to be a man,” but rather, “how can we as men and women work together to ensure that our boys and girls become well adjusted, accomplished young men and women?”  THAT, imho, is the critical question and should be the focus of this discussion instead of this counterproductive  “Blame Game.”

    • Wwwdotgirl

      Well said.

  • Mizzdee

    I think the question here is about balance, having a balance of both male and female influence in your life to assist in the development of a productive man or woman.  I grew up with very little male influence as a female and admit I experienced alot of confusion about how to relate to men and maintain a healthy relationship.  I really could’ve benefitted from having the balance of a man’s influence in my life, but I don’t fault my mom who was a very good mother.  I think it’s the same for men, a woman can provide a home and love and so on, but a son, just like a daughter needs the balance of both male and female influence to grow up as a whole being.  It takes two to create the baby, I believe it also takes two to raise the child.  I also believe that it takes a village to raise a child, so although the ideal is to have two parents in the home, I have found that many times where there is a lack of both parents, moms often have their children, in particular their sons, in sports and other extracurricular activities to create that balance that they know they may be unable to give.  So do boys really grow up in isolation, without male influence/intervention?  In many cases no, but it is incumbent upon that parent, father or mother, to create a balance in their son or daughter’s lives, by seeking out positive male or female influences.  It doesn’t mean that you are weak or something is wrong you as a parent it just means that we as a community are giving our children all of the benefits of what men and women can offer.

  • Anonymous

     Come out from among Her my children lest you be partakers of her sins and her plagues.The Goddess is married to the Destroyer. You are cheering on the destruction of all mankind. Matriarchs have eaten their children and their husbands in times of famine. They have pimped their daughters in times of plenty. The Goddess has a bad case of Oppositional Defiance Disorder. In wrath, because she could not control The Destroyer, she was cut loose on mankind.

  • Rosalyn Upshaw

    While it is preferable that the man who fathered the child be there to raise him, there may be no other option that some women will choose.  As a woman who would not marry again or invite just any man around my children, I would, most definitely,do what was necessary to make my son the best man he could be.  There are many, many ways to provide the male leadership and role model behavior that one would desire for a son.   If necessary, a STRONG, CARING, ENCOURAGING, THOUGHTFUL, and SENSITIVE woman CAN raise a boy to manhood.  I’m sure I could!!!

  • Jrotced02

    I can’t remember where I read it, but the author concluded that fatherless boys mourn for their missing fathers, and this process manifests itself in sociopathic behavior. Where does the boy learn respect for his mother and sister and aunts?  From his father. Where does the girl learn respect for her father, her brothers, and her uncles?  From her mother. When theses are absent, chaos reigns. The father “regulates” and monitors access to his daughters by other males. A respectful daughter knows what kinds of males her father will not tolerate around her. A daughter being raised by a skank, becomes a skank. Her sons become bitter mysoginists. Simple math.

    • Smithl06

      Exactly…..I don’t see why people are so confused?

  • Mfuasi

    It’s obvious from what I’ve read that the heat surrounding this topic is indicative that this topic hasn’t been discussed broadly and with brutal honesty before large Black audiences, and it needs to be. I have carefully followed this growing divide between Black women and men for 40 years, and I can assure you that it has been danced around and avoided to our collective peril. This decades-long avoidance is partly why there’s so much pent-up anger. Given the way the topic is presented, at least 3 issues merit mentioning: 1. Some Black women can successfully raise a Black male, and some women cannot.; 2. We need a new definition of Black manhood; and 3. We need a new definition of Black womanhood. Definitions of gender roles are substantially determined by the culture in which we develop. This necessarily requires that we have a thorough understanding of the dominant cultural influences in Black America, and this includes regional cultures and sub-cultures that apparently are the result of segregation.This is an extraordinarily complex issue, and there are no shortcuts. It requires reading, some intellectual ability, and the ability to be brutally honest. It may, in fact, be the case that Black Americans must create new cultural institutions to correct current cultural flaws. But the essential question remains, besides off the cuff ranting and raging, are we up to the task?

  • Raised2

    Unless you are a woman and has raised a man (I raised 2), how can you say, yes or no? It seems to take away from what women are forced to do, and that is to raise their children “alone” the best way that she can. Oh, and who are men raising? Oh, I thought so! Stop addressing what women can’t do and give us some credit for what we are doing. One thing for sure and two for certain….we don’t leave our children alone wondering is where my mom and why she is not here for me.

    • Smithl06

      The way our society is set up, you simply cannot leave, though, that doesn’t stop women from throwing babies into dumpsters, leaving them on doorstops, aborting them, and bringing tons of strange men around them.  Please, get off your high horse.

  • Raised2

    Unless you are a woman and has raised a man (I raised 2), how can you say, yes or no? It seems to take away from what women are forced to do, and that is to raise their children “alone” the best way that she can. Oh, and who are men raising? Oh, I thought so! Stop addressing what women can’t do and give us some credit for what we are doing. One thing for sure and two for certain….we don’t leave our children alone wondering is where my mom and why she is not here for me.

  • Day by Day

    For all the men who feel that a woman can’t raise a boy to become a man, how many boys have you taken under your wing and showed them the way. And if any of you out there have raised any children, you know that once they become an adult, they follow their own minds and beliefs no matter what you say. And if real men were doing what they were suppose to do, we would not be having this conversation, ok. I guess next, women will be blamed for men being homosexuals and we all know that’s a lie from the pit of hell.

  • AnthonyII

    A very provocative question and survey.  My initial response was an unquestioned “yes” as I know of too many cases where women have done just that and for the most part I maintain that view.  I think “Nosugarcoatn” makes a valid point in that the woman does form and sustain life, bears the seed of life. Since the first human is now scientifically determined to be an African Woman,, that would indicate that she would have an intrinsic knowledge of what life, manhood, womanhood, adulthood is about. Matriarchal systems are life-giving by their nature.  Patriarchal systems tend to focus on conquest as a primary thought process.
    In view of this, I moved slightly to the “I”m not Sure” category more because I didn’t get the sense that the question in all of it’s simplicity, could be answered with a simple yes or no, not from any sense that a woman can’t.  The gender dynamics  present challenges that are difficult to measure and can’t be lumped under one unbrella.  It’s been said that “much more is caught than is taught” as relates to parenting/leadership.  This would impact varying results of parenting. Some of the best two parent households have produced misfits, while some of the most challenged single parent households have produced giants.  This is a layer the question forced me to peel back.          

  • AnthonyII

    A very provocative question and survey.  My initial response was an unquestioned “yes” as I know of too many cases where women have done just that and for the most part I maintain that view.  I think “Nosugarcoatn” makes a valid point in that the woman does form and sustain life, bears the seed of life. Since the first human is now scientifically determined to be an African Woman,, that would indicate that she would have an intrinsic knowledge of what life, manhood, womanhood, adulthood is about. Matriarchal systems are life-giving by their nature.  Patriarchal systems tend to focus on conquest as a primary thought process.
    In view of this, I moved slightly to the “I”m not Sure” category more because I didn’t get the sense that the question in all of it’s simplicity, could be answered with a simple yes or no, not from any sense that a woman can’t.  The gender dynamics  present challenges that are difficult to measure and can’t be lumped under one unbrella.  It’s been said that “much more is caught than is taught” as relates to parenting/leadership.  This would impact varying results of parenting. Some of the best two parent households have produced misfits, while some of the most challenged single parent households have produced giants.  This is a layer the question forced me to peel back.          

  • Sturn123

    Wow I just had this conversation with my divorced friend who couldn’t understand why her son wanted to go live with his father. As a divorced mother of two. A woman can raise a boy from childhood to manhood. However, a boy really needs his father (if this person is a productive member of society) to raise him to be a man. If I had it to do over again. I would have turned both of my sons over to their dad when they turned 13. There are some things we just can’t do as women. As for the person who says a woman can create life without a man, what biology class did you take. And if we want to really bring God into this. God’s ultimate design was for children to have both parents present because each parent brings something to that child’s life. For example, when I grew up the dad was the discipliniaring (sp.) and the mother was the nuturer (sp). Even though I knew my mother could discipline me if needed I feared my dad. My mom was the person I ran to when I having emotional issues. This question is no different then asking if a man can raise a girl to be a woman.

    • Smithl06

      Bless you for your insight, thank you.

  • Lilly

    Women BEEN doing it.  Maybe if more “brothers” stepped up, we wouldn’t have to have this conversation.  Ooops, my bad, that would be like being responsible, wouldn’t it?  That would be HARD WORK, wouldn’t it?

    • LSmith

      Okay, explain the incarceration rate of Black Men raised by single mom’s?

  • Anonymous

    Alright… let’s get this straight from the get go, Black Women are the originators of the earth’s population as well as one of the only ones with the strength to raise men, however, and it pains me to admit it, not all Black females, especially as of recent are Black Women. There is a difference between a female with the capability of producing offspring through the act of procreation and a Black woman with the strength, intelligence and wisdom to pass on the knowledge and lessons of experience that they have learned so that their offspring doesn’t repeat the same mistakes. 

    The question is misleading… as it stands, there are more females than women and as statistics show (Prison and unwed pregnancies), cannot raise stable families as well as they can with positive male influence. There is no acceptable universal standard as far as what qualifies as a man or woman in some cases and therefore ends up more confusing than it should be. 

    The big question that should be asked though, why is it necessary for a woman to raise the child by herself? As of recent there are more females attempting to raise children by themselves when they aren’t even matured enough to know what it takes to raise themselves so it’s hard to expect mature individuals to come from immature ones. 

  • bmoney clearwest.biz

    It is evident there are a lot of angry women responding to this post, we all have been duped into categorizing and labeling ourselves in response to society and it’s effects,if we knew more about ourselves we could teach our children more about who they could be.A woman could with special circumstances raise a boy to become a man but she would need a lot of help from a man because she can’t do it alone,just like men can’t raise girls to b women we would need help from a woman.When we stop trying to b like the slave master we will b able to see the light that is us and always will b us!

  • Leta

    What difference does it make whether or not a woman can raise a son to be a man.  Many woman had no choice but to do the best that we could to raise our sons to be men.  The truth of the matter is that when the father is missing in action the son and or daughter suffers a tremendous loss.  Now days you have mothers missing in action also and it is very detrimental to the son and or daughter in that scenario also.  Instead of debating this issue why don’t we appeal to the absent fathers and mothers to take responsibility for their children.  I have met many single parent fathers since moving to Georgia and my hats off to them  because usually the mother is left to carry the load.

  • leta

    Wow as I read through these comments how much progress is being made in addressing the issue at hand about mothers raising sons to be men!  There are fathers that truly want to do right by their children and some mothers use the children to get back at the man.  That usually back fires in the end and hurts the child more then you will ever know.  My two daughters recieved child support from their fathers until they were adults and it helped but did not compare to the emotional scars they dealt with being rejected by their father while they merrily started on their way to start a whole new family.  I called Americas Most Wanted and asked them to consider starting Americas Most Wanted Fathers and Mothers to and flash that around the nation so parents cant duck and dodge their responsibilty. 

  • Barbara2

    My mother  raised five strong black men.  They are employed, in school, and two own their own  business.  My personal thought on this is… if you have a strong woman in the home…nothing will go wrong.BACL

  • Wendy

    Well…I think that I have done an excellent job and my friends, colleagues, all agree.  He finished his undergraduate degree at a HBCU in 4yrs and is enrolled in Grad School now and he has traveled extensively.  He is god fearing, comical, well -read, well traveled, goodlooking, kind and a hetersexual 22 year old.  I raise him virtually without his Dad.  He saw Dad about 6 times per year.  Education was not important to Dad but it was to me along with his quality of life, balance and family. Of course at the college award ceremony, his Dad wants to take a bow.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rogeniae Cookie Echols

     I AM A SINGLE PARENT OF TWO BEAUTIFUL GROWN CHILDREN & MY SON IS THE OLDEST & I HAVE A DAUGHTER & TO THE QUESTION ASK THAT A MAN DON’T THINK THAT A WOMEN CAN RAISE A MALE CHILD WELL ME AS A WOMEN HAD TO DEAL WITH THE CARDS THAT WAS DEALT. I RAISED MY SON THE BEST WAY I COULD & HE CAME OUT OK NEVER BEEN IN JAIL ,DON’T HAVE ANY KIDS & HE 27& HA S A GOOD ASS JOB .HIS DAD HAVE NEVER HAD ANY THING TO DO WITH HIS UP BEGINNING & HE CAME OUT OK BUT I CAN SAY THAT EVENTHOUGH WE WHERE NOT TOGETHER MEANING HIS DAD IT WAS SOME THING THAT I COULDN’T DO LETS KEEP IT REAL A DAD IS IMPORTANT IN ANY CHILDS LIFE IF HE WANTS 2 BE MORE THAN A SPERM DONOR  BUT IT TAKES A FATHER TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE . BUT TO THOSE THATS GIVEN THERE SAY THAT A WOMEN CAN’T RAISE A BLACK MALE I BEG TO DIFFER SOME WHAT . I CAN SAY 4 MY SELF I’VE DONE MY BEST .THIS IS A MESSAGE TO THE DADS THAT BEEN INVOLVED IN & RAISING & HAVE HAD & IMPUT IN THERE SONS & DAUGHTERS  LIVES . BUT  IF YOU ARE A DEAD BEAT DAD THAT HAVE HAD YOUNG CHILDREN  &  NOT DOIND A DANM THING 4 THE EMOTIONALLY & PHYSICALLY & 4 GOT ABOUT THEM ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT U CAN KISS MY BLACK ASS !

  • Nycee

    The lie can stop today! Women can raise boys to be men. Society cannot difine what make our boys men, or our girls ladies or women. Society has done enough damage in trying to difine what is acceptable and what is not. For example, the issue of womens’ beauty. Womens beauty is universal, and not just white! Now, do mothers have all of the answers while raising boys or even girls? No. Black folks need to stop allowing this perverted society dictate what is and isn’t. Our boys grow to into strong black men; just look and observe women from all other races hanging on their arms. If they weren’t men these other race women wouldn’t leave thier men for ours.  Now, what is wrong with theirs? I”m just asking. 

    Don’t get me wrong, people can date and marry whom they please. I’m just saying our men must be some dynamite men cause take a look.  They are highly desired.

    The prison issue is merely anger and rebellion of this racist system in my belief. I have listened to black men talk and basically it is a form of rebellion. Is the anger being vented correctly? No. The prison issue is not 100% related to a single mother. That lie can stop today! 

    • LSmith

      100%….maybe not…..95-98% related…..probably.  I can imagine Prison rates and single parenthood raising at similar rates over the last 30 or so years.

  • Brian S.

    Stats, Data, Numbers….facts, figures and raw truths…”THEY DO NOT LIE”….for African Americans….both genders fail miserably, whether absent, together, or as individuals, period. Fathers abandon responsibilty, and single mothers create the next generation of flight-risk prone baby makers. Until we as a people acknowledge the inhumane and ill effects of slavery and the Willie Lynch Doctrine, which is still in play centuries later, on the African American family (by design), this will always be a trivial debate question. Right up to the point of no-return people. We are all well aware of the dire depths of the problem, now let us constructively debate on an honest solution for a change of overdue pace. The clock is ticking. Will it be for the better or is it a timebomb, the choice is ours.

  • Pmbalele

    You’re right. It’s increasingly becoming obvious one gender cannot raise kids of opposite sex well.  I have observed for instance boys raised by mothers have quite different behavior. I see them with bonny tails, wearing perfume like those of women and some time talk like women. And please don’t tell them pony tails are for women.  You will get all kinds of words spoken only by women. Interesting topic.

  • Pruckdeschel

    Let’s reverse the question. Can a man raise a daughter to be a woman without a woman’s help ? Yes, he can and so can Mom raise a boy to be a man without male intervention. But without having a man’s help that boy who becomes a man will be in some way incomplete. Children were meant to have mother and father raising them and when you take away one of them you take away some of the wholeness that child was meant to have in childhood and ends up lacking as an adult.

  • Jredeemed

    That is nonsense. There is proof in reality that many single parent mothers have done an excellent job at raising boys into men. Most of you who replied to this article were probably raised by a mother. ARE YOU A MAN? What about mothers who lost their husbands/man and were forced to raise their children alone? Did all of them fail? What stats do you have to prove that? If brothers or people don’t want to see women raising boys alone, HELP THEM by being a mentor or role model for the boys. LOL

    • LSmith

      I was raised by a woman….but I was made a Man by other men, and seeing what THEY do.  Being a nice citizen, and a Man,= not the same.

  • Anonymous

    Single mothers raising sons and turning them into men, is definitely doable.  My mother raised us by herself, not only that.   There are right and wrong parenting choices that parents of both gender make.  Black woman have been guilty of baby-ing their sons too long.  They also have allowed their sons to think they don’t always have to follow a socially acceptable moral code of conduct,  but so have many fathers that are in their sons life.   My mother was unrelenting in ensuring that we “did unto others, as we would have them do unto us.”  She made sure we knew to support one another in the street like brothers are supposed to…  She made sure we respected woman and elders…  She held us accountable for our actions…  She raised us in NYC, but with many southern traditional values…My brothers and I turned out to be fine men– excellent fathers, with minimal input from our father(to his credit, he wasn’t a financial deadbeat)… 

  • Anonymous

    Single mothers raising sons and turning them into men, is definitely doable.  My mother raised us by herself, not only that.   There are right and wrong parenting choices that parents of both gender make.  Black woman have been guilty of baby-ing their sons too long.  They also have allowed their sons to think they don’t always have to follow a socially acceptable moral code of conduct,  but so have many fathers that are in their sons life.   My mother was unrelenting in ensuring that we “did unto others, as we would have them do unto us.”  She made sure we knew to support one another in the street like brothers are supposed to…  She made sure we respected woman and elders…  She held us accountable for our actions…  She raised us in NYC, but with many southern traditional values…My brothers and I turned out to be fine men– excellent fathers, with minimal input from our father(to his credit, he wasn’t a financial deadbeat)… 

  • David2001

    I’m not going to read all the 90 comments and counting I’ll just give my opinion. Obviously there are more failures than success stories with black single mothers “raising” boys AND girls. The problem is they are NOT raising them, they are bringing them up to follow the same anything goes life they are living. Black women will pat themselves on the back for the few success stories but point the finger of blame at the black man they claim they didn’t want or need to raise children. 

    The breakdown of the black two parent household started in the 70s when black women began drinking the white feminist kool aid that stated they didn’t need men to raise chldren. I’m 53 years old and remember so many black women of my generation saying “I don’t need no damn man” or “I don’t have to take any sh*t off of a man”.   A lot of black women of that generation and even today proclaimed they can be BOTH the mother AND father to their children. Many black women used the welfare system of checks, food stamps and section 8 housing to achieve this goal. What we see today is the failure of that way of thinking. The rise of the babymomma phenomena we see today came about because of the choices of BLACK WOMEN not black men. Unlike many black women with feminism, black men have never followed a white social movement that stated we didn’t need or want to be married to black women. All we are seeing today is the end results of the arrogance and short slightness of black women who made bad choices to have children out of wedlock. The rise of black mothers with three four five or more children with more than one baby-daddy speaks volumes about the bad choices of far too many black women. The “I can do whatever I want to do” feminist mentality has it’s price.

    Black men not only carry the burden of their own failures but the failures of their black mothers who couldn’t raise them. The inability of many black women to accept their share of culpability in our race failures speaks to the weakness of black women not black men. These out of control, disrespectful, underacheiving black males filling the prison system is the product of not only their own bad choices but also the ANYTHING GOES feminist lifestyle so many single black women followed for the last 30 years. 

    There is a mutimillion dollar cottage industry of books, magazines, TV shows, plays, and movies aimed at black women blaming black men. It’s time for black women to stop playing the blame game and take a hard look in the mirror and look at the role your choices made on our race.

    • LSmith

      Amen Brother, speak!

    • Wwwdotgirl

      Well if the men weren’t treating the women like sh*t, then the women wouldn’t have a reason to decide that they didn’t have to take it anymore.  I know couples who were together back then and are still together now, because they respected each other.

      Sheesh.

      It’s not rocket science.  The men aren’t are all bad and neither are the women.

      We all have a responsibility to be best person we can be…despite the past (our own and that of black people collectively).  My parents divorced young and made mistakes.  So did my husband’s parents.  However we have 23 years of marriage under our belts and going for more, happily and lovingly and responsibly.  We had some bad times, but have chosen to work together to fix issues and make our union work…for us and our children.

      So yeah, MEN and women need to look into their mirrors and decide to do better.

  • xwidower

    Forgotten in this discussion is the almost flipside  “Can a single woman raise a girl to become a woman” and begs the questions  “Can a single man raise a boy to be a man or a girl to be a women”?  

  • Larome

    NO,NO,NO,I’m sorry but I came from a single parent house hold (my father died when I was six)via a GREAT woman ,however at the same time she taught me good morals ,values,and personal responsibility ,she did not teach me how to be a MAN my male coaches,teachers,pastor’s & deacon’s at the church,my uncle’s,mentor’s,cub scout & boy scout leader’s,and my male neighbors that lived in my environment taught me how to be and become a MAN. my MOM still get’s major credit because she allowed me to travel and be exposed to strong male role model’s and not all of them were BLACK….so no a woman can not teach a boy to be a man however she can connect him to the right  men to elevate him into man hood.

    • LSmith

      THIS!  Thank you!!!  IT was the same with me, raised by a female, morals taught, but masculinity gained from surrounding men (including important lessons taught by none other than white guys….)

      I love her, but I make no mistake, or offer up no “mother worship” about how I became a MAN.  Not not just an adult, you know?

  • Just sayin

    What a silly article–with all the young black men growing up in homes without a father–and might I dare say that most of those women probably wish that those boy’s fathers were in their lives to teach the boys how to be a man.  

    A better article would examine why it is that so many black men are making babies with women and walking away– choosing to have a baby mama instead of a wife and mother to their children male or female.

    And while we’re doing articles–someone please do one on why young women don’t realize that every guy who wants to “hook up with you” or “hit it” isn’t  interested in creating a family with you. 

    Birth control people because at the end of the day it’s just irresponsible and unfair to the hundreds of thousands of kids.

    • LSmith

      If there are women wishing what you said in your first paragraph, I haven’t seen them, lol!  They are usually too busy keeping the Father away, and bringing strange dudes around them.

      I don’t think many men “choose” to have a Baby Mama.  As a man, I know very few that actually “want” that situation.  And I’m thinking of one guy I know, actually.  Now if really no one I know WANTS that situation, then it is a good question indeed as to why more men aren’t around their children.

      The answer is obviously more complex then “Deciding not to be there” and obviously involves more than one party (mothers)

  • Kdrumb

    This is a stupid question, once again predicated upon the flawed idea that all women are the same and all men are the same.  Ridiculous on the face of it. 

    But lets not even waste that time on that silly generalization.

    More to the point is the ignoring of a fact of everyday life for thousands of successful Black men AND women in this country. How often do you read about a politician, a musician, a business person, an athlete who was raised by their mother, their grandmother or an aunt?   And if one makes the, probably safe, assumtion that those who make it to some level of “celebrity”, are just the tip of the iceberg, celebrity in this case meaning public reknown of some type, not necessarily the Hollywood junk, but sucessful in their city, their neighborhood, in their lives, then it is obvious the number of people raised in single-parent households who go on to live complete lives is quite substantial.

    Me? I’m tired of hearing and reading about this great multifaceted African-American subculture being reduced to this tired, monolithic, two-dimensional caricature of itself, especially when the stereotyping is perpetuated by Black people who should know better.

    My FATHER taught me how to walk AWAY from a fight, I could care less about sports in general, both of which seems to be for far too many (fighting and sports) tied up with the definition of being a man.  Responsibility?  Strength?  I was unaware that those were only male traits and could only be taught by males.  “Navigating…among…other males?’  Outside of those who reside in a convent everybody does this everyday. 

    One last point.  You do realize how insulting the phrase “male intervention” is for a lot of very good single mothers? Intervention is something that is done when things are going awry.  Use of that word is partially what leads to setting up an adverarial/discussion condition, such as this, where one does not need to exist.

    Back when I got my first answerring machine, my outgoing message was “Stop, think…then speak”

  • Blackmother

    Everyone has an opinion about this.   But I note that ‘men’ (in general) are so egotistical that they think the world revolves around them and they are the smarter sex.   But if it is true that 70% of black households are headed by single women, most of whom have a difficult time finding an appropriate male role model for their children, then it naturally follows that either: a) black women can raise boys to be men or b) only 30% of the black male population are respectable men.  Therefore, if are a black male that was raised by a single black mother with no designated male role modes, you are not a man.   You can’t have it both ways.  

    And as for those black ‘males’ complaining about how difficult or impossible (??) black women often make it for black fathers to see their kids, I have this to say:  If you are a real ‘man’, nothing and no one on this earth can keep you from your kids.   I won’t even go into why black mothers see fit to put this obstacles in your way (things such as absence of financial or emotional support, broken promises to the kids, bad influence, etc.) but suffice it to say that I have several brothers who did not reside with their baby mamas.   Each fought hard (and won) to be a part of their kids lives.  Each always provided financial support, even during times when they did not have ‘legal’ access to the children.  In many instances, their struggle to play an active role in their kids lives, damaged or destroyed their current romantic relationships, but they did not let that stop them from doing the right thing.   I’d also like to note, that the youngest of these brothers was himself raised by a single black mother who did an excellent job.   I am so proud of her and my brothers.

    So, black men, get over yourselves and stop blaming other people when you fail to live up to the responsibilities of manhood.   And stop dissing black women who do what you fail to do, for whatever reason you don’t do it.   When you start acting like a real man, black women will notice.   And they won’t care who taught you.

    • LSmith

      Liked this by accident when trying to reply.  So the above poster is saying we men should commit crimes by gaining access to children when it isn’t lawful…..yeah, read that again. ;/  

      Even the frame of the your discussion is suspect (a or b choices).  

      What about c:  There are alot more respectable Black Men out there, but 70% of Black Women keep dating bums because they “Like too”.  

      I recognize attraction isn’t a choice….but if you are attracted to bums, please don’t refer to them as “Men”, and own up to your attraction to “bums” and stop blaming them for you predicament.

      • Wwwdotgirl

        No, it doesn’t read that the poster is saying to commit a crime.  It reads that MEN who WANT to be in their child(ren)’s life will fight hard to do so.  LEGALLY.

        • LSmith

          But why do Men “have” to?  Why do you have to FIGHT the mom to see your child?  That’s counter productive isn’t it?  Worthy of the question that began this whole topic, right?  

          As to the poster’s legal comment, I re-read this, and it was regarding financial support while visitation was illegal.  If I could, I would edit my statement, but I cannot.

          • Wwwdotgirl

            No one should have to fight for the right to be involved with their kids. 

            However if it comes to that, why not do it versus walking away?  Aren’t the children worth it?

            Oh and just like females make the poor choice of being attracted to bums/thugs, doesn’t the same hold true for those caring men who want to be with their kids, yet they are attracted to and procreate with the type of female that will keep them from their child(ren)? The type of female that will raise their sons to go to prison?  Where is the reprimand for those men and their poor choices in all of this?

          • LSmith

            Of course the children are worth it, but why does it HAVE to be a battle?  Such is so common as almost to be a proverb.  “Want to see your kids, wear a helmet”

            As for your second comment, agreed.  However, men are being reprimanded day in and day out, even for things that aren’t there fault, so I see no imbalance in this.

  • Jerri

    Personal feelings aside, why aren’t we more concerned with the fact that the majority of the men who go to prison are from single family(female dominated) households? Are we just going to ignore that??? I work in the educational system and there is a noticeable difference between children who come from a two parent household and those who don’t. There’s even a difference, in school performance, between other groups (Latins, Asian, Whites) who come from two family households and blacks who are raised by single moms. How you raise you child is a very touchy subject. Women are the most sensitive when it comes to being judged as “bad” parents. In fact, many would love to be in a two parent household, but believe they have had no choice but to go it alone. They don’t want to be blamed (on top of that) if their child does not turn out perfect. So the defenses go up, on both sides. But in the end, it’s not about the mother or the father. That’s right! It’s not about whether YOU are a good parent. It’s about the child. Every child needs a man and a woman available to him/her in the
    developing years. EVERY CHILD. There are tons of studies and surveys (I’m not going into) that show how a lack of a male/female role model manifests itself in society. If the situation is such that the child cannot have two parents, that’s understood. But don’t make that decision
    for the child! What we really need to study is how to Improve relationships between men and women, so that we can bring up well rounded, saner children in two family households. That’s the underlying problem. In fact, that’s THE problem.

    • LSmith

      Thank you fore speaking sense.  Well said.

  • kathy arnold

    yes if you can blocked their ears from listening to that (hip-hop s**t!!!!!!

    • LSmith

      You know, seriously, Hip Hop is a bad influence on young men and women.  It’s there that we learn how to treat each other, there that we learn that all women are b*tches and H*es and Men are D*gs and s*it, and we repeat this to each other as if it’s real life, thereby making it real life.   Sad, because I love Hip Hop, but I laugh whenever I see women dancing to their own degradation….it’s a cynical laugh…one that I have because I can’t believe my eyes….the same with all these “thugs” and gangstas….it’s silly…but, it’s “real life”….. :/

  • S.T.

    I Think to deliberately have a child(boy or girl), with no consideration as to whether that child will ever have or know it’s father is one of the most selfish things a parent can do! I know women who had babies just because they wanted babies. They didn’t think twice about the fathers, or whether the child would some day need a father in it’s life. The irony of this is, that anybody who would do such a selfish thing, is the LAST person who should be a parent.

    • LSmith

      Agreed

  • Jredeemed

    How do we define being a “man? Does it mean to teach my son to take care of his kids, have good work ethics, do not cry, what? A woman can do all those things as well or in some cases, better. How do we define male-hood? Is it how to go to the john? What music not to listen to? How to deal with the streets, police? All these things are of womanhood as well. So, maybe instead of trying to decide if a woman can help a boy become a man, maybe the question is: How do I raise my son to be the best human being, or person he can be?
    Peace, Love and no confusion Please LOL

    • LSmith

      Seriously, why are AMERICANS so confused about what a Man is?  Aboriginal cultures, Native Americans, Asians, pretty much everyone else in the world KNOWS what being a man is.  Only in America would we get “How do we define malehood?” or  “How do we define being a man?”

      Really?  You mean the Human Race (Modern) has been around on this planet for the last 200,000 YEARS……and NOW we pick a time to not know who are?

      Our ancestors must be rolling in their graves…smh

      • Jredeemed

        L SMITH You mentioned a lot of irrelevant aboriginal bs, now define what a man is?

        • LSmith

          Irrelevant?  This is what society has come to?  Skills hundreds of thousands of years old…..that built pyramids….empires….. CIVILIZATION ITSELF…and religion…..is irrelevant to you?

          Men are the foundation of the office building that you work at that towers in the sky, to the presidential office of whatever party you vote for….

          Irrelevant?

          God help us all.

          • Jredeemed

            Yes thousands of years ago LOL no one is building any pyramids in the name of raising black boy today….So, again- how do one blame or determine if a woman raised a good man? What is a man? That nonsense about men being the foundation is not a realist truth today, tomorrow or yesterday. Women had a part in it all as well. Don’t twist words. The point here is about if a woman can raise a man, not your personal beliefs. If you want to go there too, God can and does have his holy spirit in women and men, and even children….Let’s get real.

  • FEAT

    THE REAL QUESTION IS; “ARE BLACK MEN WILLING TO RAISE THEIR OWN CHILDREN??”

    • LSmith

      Of course.  That is a silly question.  In addendum, I would add “Are Black Women willing to allow their children’s Father in their child’s life without obstruction.”

  • Lisafordblog

    It’s not a question of whether or not black women can raise a boy into a man, no matter the answer, we as women don’t have a choice. Blacks don’t believe in marriage anymore. All of us (men and women) are having babies all over the place with different people. If a man has an issue with a woman raising his son to be a man, then he needs to marry her. But that won’t happen. Things are getting worse. Our leaders have disappeared. Men only concerned with quanity (multiple women, cars, jewelry, etc) and not quality (family and marriage)

    • LSmith

      Even if he marries her, she’ll just divorce him later.  Through Thick and Thin should be removed from all marriage vows as it is laughable.  Marriage has a 50% chance of failure and most all divorces are initiated by women.

      I agree, marriage would be an answer, but only in a fantasy world, not this one.

      • Lisafordblog.com

        Divorces are usually initiated from infidelity. All of my middle-aged female friends who are still married accept or has forgiven their man for cheating, domestic abuse, etc. The ones who are divorced decided that they could not tolerate disrespect. what’s laughable is monogamy. I guess monogomy isn’t possible even for the kids sake. side pieces are more important than the man’s children…and when they walk out that door they usually don’t take their children with them. they voluntarily leave them for the waman to raise. Too many papas as rolling stones. Gotta love it

        • LSmith

          Wow, it seems your friends have alot of bad luck.  Perhaps you should associate better?  Anyway, according to divorceguide,  the #1 reason for divorce is “communication”.  It is the number one “catch all”  excuse.  The #2 reason is money.  So your friends are not good resources to look to for national trends :(

          By the way….women have side pieces too, aplenty.  Pregnant women as well as middle age “cougers”.  Don’t give me that crap like women don’t cheat, they love to with young men (lol!)  I’ve benefited!

          As for men leaving and not taking their kids with them….you honestly thing a woman would ALLOW that?  I’m not even sure why you mention this….?

          • Anonymous

            mentioned it to make reference to the 70% single mom rate. I’m very passionate about that subject as you can see .. women cheat never said they didn’t…just want you (being the main commentor) to take some ownership (for men) of this high rate. But I won’t hold my breath LOL I guess it is what it is. Our communities will continue to decline because our homes aren’t properly structured…but now I’m not even sure why I even care so much … seems nobody else does…nice chatting with you…great discussion

          • LSmith

            “Some” ownership, and “total” ownership are two different things.  Many of the respondents in this discussion act like “oh my god, it’s total abandonment, and even though women don’t need men, the state of the community is still “your” fault”  LOL  (i.e.  Total ownership)

            I write the way I have because I’m sick and tired of this sh*t stain of a statistic being lobbed on “my” doorstep, as if I’m responsible for who someone opens their legs to.  (Stop screwing bums, seriously)

            I care about the state of the Black Family as well…ALL of us…… 

            In any case, here’s to the day when perhaps the question that spawned this topic can be put aside in favor of much better ones, like “What college is your son going to?” or “What business is he starting?”

            Cheers.

  • Charsjcca

    I am not sure I understand exactly what being a man is about. What qualifies as manhood? What must one do to attain it? If you are describing the evolution of a human born and reared by some female I think that human can become a caring and compassionate adult. Does that qualify?

    • LSmith

      Seriously, why are AMERICANS so confused about what a Man is?  Aboriginal cultures, Native Americans, Asians, pretty much everyone else in the world KNOWS what being a man is.  Only in America would we get “How do we define malehood?” or  “How do we define being a man?”

      Really?  You mean the Human Race (Modern) has been around on this planet for the last 200,000 YEARS……and NOW we pick a time to not know who are?

      Our ancestors must be rolling in their graves…smh
      De-volution at it’s finest :(

  • Margie Austin

    Yes, a woman can raise her sons to responsible black men. I know, I did it with three sons.  While she may not understand what being a male is totally, she can find ways to give her sons the help they need to have a man’s perspective — even if it’s from their own father–   Just like any other executive or leader.  She has to work extra hard at being a good parent providing the things we all need to be decent human beings, love compassion, empathy, sympathy, pride, dignity, common sense, et., etc.

  • Twoplustwoisfo

    Who gives a suck hole, Dr Boyce got you guys and gals going on and on about this BS

  • Angeleigh50

    I hope one of your inquiries is to ask men who were raised by women if she did the job :~)

  • IllyPhilly84

    Question for those men who believe a woman can’t raise a man-child, Do you all intervene when you see the many man-children growing up in those fatherless homes where they’re only role models such as drug dealers, pimps, rapist, Lil Wayne are just as bad as being brought up without them??

    • Brook

      I see a  lot of men who intervene.  You give black men a bad rap that they don’t deserve.  Also, you can find other male role models who can help raise your child, just go to the big brothers/big sisters program or your church. 

    • LSmith

      Brook said it all.

  • http://profiles.google.com/greeneink Renee Greene

    Plenty of them did. And did it all alone, too.

    • LSmith

      If you count FoodStamps, WIC, and Medicaid as “all alone”, then sure, but screw that, I’m paying for that crap with my taxes.

    • LSmith

      Not to mention EIC (Earned Income Credit) and Child Tax credits.  Forgot about those too.  If a single mom didn’t use any of what I mentioned, then more power to her.  If she did, then I helped her with my taxes, so she did not “do it alone”.

  • Jredeemed

    I can ask< Can a gay man raise a boy better than a straight woman? LOL or can a dike raise a boy better than a gay man? What is the point? The answer is YES a black mother or mother can raise a boy or a girl) depending on her character, socio economic conditions, maybe educational level, and if  society's destruction of black boys don't interfere. Their are many factors outside of a mother that influences the success or failure of a child.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dion.munson Dion Munson

    If you take a duckling from its mother, and have it raised by a dog eventually that duckling will try to bark. Some women are soo consumed with wat they want,,they refuse to see the need of the child…Ladies if you keep your son tucked under your left breast….just like a confused duckling wanting to bark…your son May want to wear your dress. Now are there alot of men that act more like boys than fathers…sure there are, but in this thing called life we are responsible for the choices we make ie..( the Ppl we have unprotected sex with!) All I’m saying is A Women Can’t Teach a Boy To Be A Man…and that takes nothing away from a mothers nurturing love…it is what it is! #MyOpinon

  • Kicy

    The definition of being a woman is not getting your hair done every week or keeping a clean house.  That’s just offensive.  These are things that bone headed men such as yourself have conditioned women to think defines them as a woman.  I don’t know where your from but I know many very clean men as well as dirty women. 

    Teaching someone to be responsible, strong, respectful, patient, smart, caring is teaching someone to be a good person, not a good man or a woman.  These are all things that a man or woman can teach a boy or a girl.  Are you saying that woman are not themselves or expected to be strong and responsible?

    What instincts, skills, and abilities are you talking about?   And what makes you think a woman wouldn’t let her son play football because it’s dangerous?  Again…where are you from and what kind of narrow world do you live in?  As a female football fan, I would love it if my son played football.  I would also be just as enthusiastic if we was a dancer, or artist, or chess player.  You know what?  Because what matters and what makes him a man is if he works hard, does his best, tries to excel, studies his medium, is committed, and is disciplined.  The same things that make a good woman a good woman.  If you’re son played football and didn’t really try or care, would that make him a man, no? 

    Are these the things that you tell you would tell your daughter?  That she is supposed to get her hair done every week and keep a clean house and not be strong or responsible?

    You need to some putting men and women in these primitive macho boxes. 

    • LSmith

      200,000 years of “primitive macho boxes” seems to have worked for the human race up until now……now, nobody knows who they are, and black male prison rates are sky high.  I guess according to your logic, that’s progress.

      :/  (rolls eyes)

      • Kicy

        You really think that high prison rates are the result of women raising boys??  You don’t think it has anything to do with the difficulties of being a poor single parent…that if the situation was the same and the only change was most boys were being raised by single fathers, the result wouldn’t be the same?

        You don’t think that the high prison rate has anything to do with our failing educational system…something to do with the flight of middle class blacks from urban communities leaving drug dealers and pimps as the only models of success….something to do with kids seeing no options besides drugs and stealing….nothing to do with a racist system that goes much harder on blacks then others…nothing to do laws that favor the upperclass such as the penalty for possession of crack as opposed to powder cocaine.  These things are the fault of single mothers??

        President Obama was raised by a single mother…does he fit your definition of a man?

        • LSmith

          Like I explained to a poster earlier, President Obama wasn’t “exactly” raised by a single mom.  It made good campaign speak, but:

          Fact:  When living in Indonesia, he had a stepDAD 

          Fact:  When being raised by his grandPARENTS (where was his mom?) he had a grandFATHER

          So as you see, his story wasn’t exactly the story spoken of here….but it sounded good…and he’s a good guy.

          As for the other excuses you mention, sure, they play a part…but PARENTING does too.

          I get it.  No one wants to think that THEY are a problem, especially when you have to do things “by yourself” and you “do your best”.

          I’m not taking that away from single mother’s.  It just would be nice for a few more to take responsibility for what got them there (laying down with bums that smelled good, lol), vs blaming everything on general “Men” boogey man. (that had nothing to do with their situation)

          By the way, every time a single mother collects EIC, Child Tax Credits, WIC, Foodstamps, or Medicare…I’m paying for that with my taxes, so, I AM helping her, even though I’ve never even seen her kids, LOL  How’s that for irony.

          • LSmith

            By the way, to answer your first question…I would say an emphatic NO….but if we’re talking about girls……maybe…

            Thing is, all we have is the data that’s present NOW.  So I would say no.

          • Kicy

            So I guess any child with only a mother is doomed.  God forbid the father is taken from this earth.

            Are you saying that you don’t know of any decent men who have been the product of a single mother?

            “(laying down with bums that smelled good, lol)”  You essentially just called all single mothers whores.  What disrespect.  It takes two to tango so if you’re going to blame the mother for having careless sex you have to blame the men who are not taking responsibility for their mistake and stepping up and being a father. 

            Just out of curiosity, did you grow up in a two parent home?   And do you have kids of your own?  If so, are you raising them by yourself?

            You seem to have a real disdain for women as a whole.  I’m not sure where this comes from but it’s something you should look into and analyze.  Figure out where it comes from.  What makes you so hostile towards all women.  Maybe you’ve had some bad experiences with them and now you’re taking it out on all women?  Maybe you feel insecure as a man and it makes you feel bigger to put down women?  Idk….

            But I encourage you to stop bashing your female counterparts and be a strong man and uplift them.  Help.  Clearly you see that there is a problem so try to be part of the solution.  Become a mentor, a coach, a leader in the community.  But do it with positivity and love, something you’re clearly missing right now.  

          • LSmith

            Oh, I see.  If I bring up FACTS and TRUTH, then there must be something wrong with…..me?

            Yeah, that’s how you duck responsibility!

            Blame someone else, lol!  People like you crack me up, and it’s people like you that are the cause of where we are today, more so than anything the “white” man could ever do. 

            Responsibility.  Did I grow up in a two parent home?  No.  You would know that if you read my posts.  Am I raising children?  No.  You would know that if you read my posts.

            And where did you get the idea that I don’t know ANY good men who were raised by single mom’s?

            Seriously, if you read my posts (lol) you would have answered your own questions.

            The only thing left to analyze is this.  Why does it hurt you so much when an opposing view is brought to you?  Does it hit home?  Is it personal? 

            Why are you asking me to “show love”, when Black Men get s*it on by their women 24/7 in the “community”.

            Should I show love to someone who speaks ill of me? 

            That’s retarded….and illogical…and explains your writing this nonsense…

            Look, I do “coach” and “mentor” in the community, and that includes right now talking to you.  If you want to “accept” this coaching and be a part of the solution rather than the problems, then let’s talk further.  If not, I’ll probably see you elsewhere in this thread, LOL

            Oh….by the way, if you see what I see in the clubs….(if you live on the same planet as I do)…the comment about whores…(YOUR words, not mine)  well, that isn’t too far of a stretch for some women.  If you can’t deal with that truth, then there is nothing more to say on the matter.

          • Kicy

            Ok my brother, I hear your points, unfortunately we can’t agree.  Have a great day :)
             

          • LSmith

            Likewise, be well.

  • Tychallat

    Nosugarcoatn Ever,you are proof positive that women have no business rearing either gender by themselves.This was not a personal attack on black women,but a rhetorical question that we all know is no,if we are honest with ourselves.For the past 25 to 30 years ,black women have been making piss poor choices in the men they choose to sire their children.They have numerous forms of birth control and they have way more education than their mothers,grandmas and great grandmas,yet they still have unprotected sex with some of the most unfit to be fathers you could dig up from under a rock.If a boy does not have a man around to pattern himself after,he is going to pattern himself after women,and handle everything that life throws him the way a women would.If a male lion handled himself the way a female lion does(or any other animal)they would go extinct.The rule:when children come from a stable two parent home they do better than the exceptional few that do well from a single parent,female headed home.If the mere question causes you to start name calling and misdirect ,you know women are emotionally balanced to rear a boy into manhood.So stop trying to guilt us away from the question and defend your opinion intellectually,not emotionally.

    • Wwwdotgirl

      Really?  Proof-positive for ALL women?

      • LSmith

        Why does the author have to “sugar coat” (lol) his statement?  You know what he means…….

        Either way, the silence from women regarding her posts is an implicit endorsement of her views…so it could be argued that “If not all, than certainly most women”  …as judged by the amount of female respondents here….yet not commenting there….. (yet “liking” her posts, apparently)

        • Wwwdotgirl

          Not sugar coat…just be realistic.

          Several other posters have replied to those posts so there was no need for me to jump on the bandwagon.

          Also, I was able to read and comprehend posts that came from women who clearly had different viewpoints…so I don’t agree that by simply not responding to her means that all the female readers/respondents implies agreement.

          Goodness!

          • LSmith

            I didn’t say “all” defacto, I inserted “most” lol!  Besides, even you comments over “here” rather than there….I hear what you’re saying about posters being over there already….but yet and still, you find yourself in this particular thread…

            I’m Just Sayin

          • Wwwdotgirl

            Yes, I’m here…and replying to the posts that I choose to…and liking others…and just simply reading the rest. 

            No broad strokes should be applied to me, just because I’m here.

             

          • LSmith

            I hear you, but normally you can tell people by what they DO (or do not do), not what they say or their reasons.  

            Either way, I have no quarrel with you, this is just a conversation, an interesting one at that, and one that is necessary for the community.

          • Wwwdotgirl

            I would agree with your 1st paragraph, in real life situations, but on a comments section???  To me the main thing to go by on here is what people say (type).  Hmmm…

            I do agree completely with your 2nd paragraph.  

          • LSmith

            Well friend, how do you go about saying anything in this medium? Typing?  That is an action, something you do.

            That is where I was coming from friend.  Taking the time to perform an action tells me what I need to know (short term) about anyone “here” in this topic.  Not even so much what they say or how they say it, but that they bothered to reply.

            Sorry if that was not made clear.

  • Latoyabiles

    A
    woman CAN raise a boy into a man but CAN NOT show a boy how to be a
    man. Through faith in GOD and guidance, women can also teach their son
    the basics in developing into a Man: To believe in GOD, distinguish
    right from wrong, how to be responsible,
    to have values, and to have respect for himself and others are the few
    things that make a MAN or a WOMAN. A man is not determined from whether
    he can be raised by either mother or father. HE is determined by his
    character. And ultimately, through his life experiences and the
    foundation that was laid for him is the determining factor in whether
    the boy turns into a man.

  • Tychallat

    More black boys are going to jail under the “strong black “single mother than they ever did when the mother made a good choice in the man she allowed to sire her children after she married them.That is math and science,not feelings and emotions.Math and science does not give a rat’s azz about your hormone imbalanced feelings.Black women,you are still the goal keeper to your uterus,it’s your fault if you let some low life score.And if a low life scores it says more about your shortcomings than his,deal with it.

    • Wwwdotgirl

      I’m replying to this post, but the “you” and “your” go to all those that post like this.

      I’ll admit that I agree with your base statements…just not the delivery and all that added…bitterness? Hate?  Disgust?

      That extra, whatever it is, comes across as just wanting to degrade the women in these situations.

      I’m NOT one of those females (my husband is an excellent father to our children and he himself credits his upbringing to his mother, his grandfather, and his uncles) but I worry that the females who need to change and do better will completely ignore these messages when they are delivered this way.

      Also, the men who are classified as ‘low life’ have a responsibility to make better choices and do right despite their upbringing.  That way, there will be more non-low life men for these females/women to choose from.

  • Blackmother

    @Tychallat:  Why is your little ego so fragile that you must insist that men be present to raise boys ?   Black women learned a long time ago that men are a luxury, not a necessity.    Black boys/men are going to jail in record numbers because they make poor choices and blame everybody else for their problems.   And why are you acting like women are the only ones responsible for birth control?   It belies your chauvinistic attitude.  When women do ask black men to use a condom, they come up with all sort of excuses, like it offends their manhood (as if they had any).   

    Your statements about women choosing better partners has some truth to it, but it does little to mitigate the fact that black women don’t have a whole lot to choose from.  Most black men are either married, in significant relationships, gay, jobless, homeless, in jail or prison, or just plain dumb and lazy.   Almost all the real black ‘MEN’ are taken or fit into one of those categories.   So unless we want to go over to the white side, we have to choose from these losers.  But despite all their other issues, black men are still the most handsome, sexy men alive.

    So stop acting like you weren’t raised by a single black mom.   And quit blaming her because your sorry ass dad flew the coop.  We have enough problems.   If you’re not going to help, the least you can do is sit down and STFU !!

    • LSmith

      ABW alert!

  • Dimples200095

    I raised mine and he is a 100% man now 34 with a 16 years old daughter, never had any trouble with him

  • KROWNBB

    … raising ANY child takes commnication; if the parent is not listening to the child then they will have no idea what kind of PERSON that child’s potential will/can/may grow him.or her to be. The adult NEEDS common sense —- no way out — this is an absolute… And PRAY LOOK AND LISTEN

  • KROWNBB

    OOPS!!! that should be COMMUNICATION

  • http://www.nutraslimhca.com/south-beach-java-gourmet-diet-coffee-review South Beach Java

    That is so sexest. Woman are capable of raising boys into men.

    • LSmith

      This is not sexist, but a real concern.  With the state of the Black Family in shambles, and Black Men on the verge of extinction, it’s obvious, as strong and beautiful as Black Women are, that they need help.  What is sexist about that?  

      I hate when people throw out the sexist card.  It’s almost as bad as the race card.

      • http://www.nutraslimhca.com/south-beach-java-gourmet-diet-coffee-review South Beach Java

        It’s my opinion. Get over it.

        • LSmith

          Never was there anything to get over, lol!

          • http://www.bestandroidtabletz.com/ Best Android Tablet

            You seriously have no life.

          • LSmith

            Or maybe I’m just brilliant, and you can’t stand it? 

  • Schala Schifino

    I have posted comments to the link on Facebook today in response to some posts of other people.  I am just now reading the article by Dr. Boyce.  While I agree that having a father in the house is the best alternative in most cases, sometimes that is just not possible!  In my opinion the fault should not land on the mothers being single, but on the fathers who chose not to take care of their responsibilities!  Yes, some of us did make poor choices in a mate, but it is not always obvious until it is too late!  There are many men who were raised by single mothers who have grown up to be exceptional men.  For instance President Obama!  He was raised by a single mother, was he not?!  He went on to become the first US black president!  I am sure the majority of the men in jail probably were raised by single mother’s, so were the majority of black males who are not in jail!  If 70% of the black populations children are being raised by single mothers then how else could the prison population turn out?  It sound to me that many are saying, that for the sake of having a man in the house, we should just accept any man we can get. There are families out here that have both parents and the husband may
    beat his wife when he comes home.  Are these women to stay in that
    situation in order to have a man around.  If you ask me, that will have a
    worst effect on them than living in a loving environment with only
    their mother. I am not going to settle for any man, I am waiting for the man God has in store me and my son!  It is our responsibility as single mothers to recognize what our children are not getting form us and to then find a way to get it for them.  It takes a village to raise a child.  Right?!  We have to find positive male role models who unfortunately may not be the fathers, but can be as big (if not a bigger) of an influence on our sons.  It is hard to understand something that you have not experienced, but I know what both sides of the story can do.  I had my father around, but my brother and sister did not!  Honestly I wish they had been able to experience having their fathers, but my mother was not exactly the ideal mother.  I know plenty of men who were raised by strong single mothers of varies races.  Many of them do wish they had had a fathers around obviously, but they also are the respectful and hardworking men they are because of their mothers. They recognize this.  I just wish that more people did something to help the situation rather than bash single mothers all the time as if we chose this life.  I did not chose this for myself, but this is the hand I have been dealt and I am choosing to make the best of it!  I am teaching my son good values, the love of God, and I am providing a good example by working and putting myself through college.  You may not feel that you could raise your daughters by yourself, but I am sure that if faced with the situation you would make it happen!

    • LSmith

      Well……not exactly (Regarding President Obama)…..When he moved to Indonesia he had a step Dad, and when he came home to America, he was raised by his grand PARENTS (the old guy in the pics was his grand DAD)

      So, while it was good campaign speak….he wasn’t exactly raised by a single mom, he did have two dads of sorts.  Otherwise, I feel most of what you’re saying. Good luck with your parenting though, god bless.

  • Sonja

    Well, considering most women are raising boys to be men without the influence of their fathers, what choice is there? It is simply a reality, so if it’s good or if it’s not, it simply IS. 
    Most ‘men don’t think so’. Well, where ARE They? Not raising their kids, that is for sure. 
    The question should be reworded. Like, Why aren’t Black men interested in raising their children to be Men? 

    • LSmith

      Black Men ARE interested.  When will Black Women get out the way and stop taking it out on the Father withholding visitation and poisoning their minds against them because YOU had a problem with him….IJS

      Passing down personal problems is NOT parenting and is destructive.  Many men would never say what they really feel about their baby’s mother to their children because that is their MOTHER.  I wish I could say the same about black women.

  • Sonja

    “On a side note, it always amuses me when jailbirds come home, try to straighten their lives out, and claim how effective their mother’s were in rearing them.  I think to myself “If she was so effective, why did you end up in jail?”———————————————————–Maybe because Daddy was no where to be found! And what you get are ‘other males’ who take on ‘leadership’ that are more underworld.
    It’s a joke that some quote the Bible and still decide women who are doing all the work as not capable, while the Men do nothing themselves ! They shirk all responsibility, then as well, spew Hate to the women doing it and call them incapable! What a Farce!  Nice going! 

    • LSmith

      Oh, I see, blame it on the “No daddy” boogey man.  But wait!  I thought you could raise him by yourself?  If that’s so, how can you blame someone that WASN’T THERE if he wasn’t necessary to begin with?

      I mean, if you CAN do it, that means accepting responsibility for EVERYTHING, right?

      I was about to agree with your comment about males getting leadership from the “underworld” (since daddy isn’t there, for whatever reason)…….then I thought, “wait a minute, ALOT of these women have babies by these SAME underworld dudes who are “exciting” and “dangerous” LOL

      I know, I used to hang with guys who were like that, women love them.  I got by on good looks, so I was cool, but thuggin was/is where it’s at for the ladies, lol

      So anyway, nobody is spewing “hate”, just speaking some real truth, that’s all.  Nobody is ignoring your struggle, it’s just that alot of times, you put yourselves there….how can you be taken seriously if the same cycle repeats with the same kind of guys within the SAME family in the “hood”.  Really?  I’m Just Sayin’….I respect you..but..IJS

  • Schala Schifino

    In addition maybe we should look to history and thank the ex-slave holders for emasculating the black man and making the black family dynamic what it has been historically!  I’m just saying.  I see so many men here who are against single mothers. Where the heck are you when these children need fathers?  Being that you guys are the cause of the problem in the first place.  You say that we should pick better mates, maybe you should too!  If the problem lies on the women for laying down with the wrong man, does the man not take any blame for laying down with women they hardly know?  Men are also just as capable of purchasing birth control!  Either way birth control is only 99.9% effective!  What that means is that in some of these cases (1% of those who used protection) it was used, but it just was not effective!

    • LSmith

      Men can purchase…birth control?  Are you really suggesting that? LMAOOOO

      “Here baby, take this strange pill I got…don’t worry, it’s okay.  Take this drink too”

      Can I even get a prescription for that? LOL!!!No one’s “against” single mothers.  It’s just that folks here are bringing some sense into the conversation.  Stop feeling so bitter and “defensive” and listen a little.  That thing called communication…And men are the cause of the problem?  What is it with some women and responsibility?  You choose to open your legs to bums, KNOWING they are bums, but you like them.  Okay, that’s fine, but seriously, don’t blame all mankind if the bum leaves you.And ESPECIALLY don’t blame MEN because you mistook a bum for a man.Thanks.

      We as a community SHARE the blame…okay, SHARE….as in you have your part too.

      Double thanks.

      • Wwwdotgirl

        I wish I could roll my eyes at you. LOL

        I thought the poster was referring to men purchasing condoms.  You took it to another realm.  LOL

        Goodness gracious!

        • Schala Schifino

          Yes he was trying really hard to snap on me, but just played himself!  His response was the dumbest post I have read all day! 

          • LSmith

            Oh, I’m sorry, if you meant condoms, then just say CONDOMS…..lol!  Don’t flip on me because YOU had communication issues…..sure, condoms are a FORM of contraception, but when normal people say “Birth Control”,  it is understood that it means

            “The Pill, The Patch, Injections”

            And some seasonal intervention as well.

            LOL, wow, the state of the black family for real.

      • Schala

        It’s called CONDOMS sweet heart!!!!!  Duh, hello anybody in there?  There are several forms of birth control, obviously you don’t use any.  It’s not bitterness sweetie…I am content!  It’s a response to many of the peoples ignorance about this topic!  So, I’m guessing you don’t have any females in your family who are single mothers?  Yeah right!  For all we know you are probably one of the bums you speak of!

        • Schala Schifino

          You know what else my bd’s name is L. Smith…what a coincidence!  Lol!

          • Schala Schifino

            Oh, one more thing…share what?  I DO IT ALL!  I am not a welfare mother sweetie!  I work full time and I’m a supervisor on my job plus I am a student and I take care of mine!!  Thank you!  No DOUBLE THANKS!

          • LSmith

            Oh really?  Can please teach other’s to make more of you then?  Because you are NOT common, or even at average.  Triple thx, lol

          • LSmith

            Oh, god…I’m sorry on a personal level for him then, LOL

        • LSmith

          Oh, I’m sorry, if you meant condoms, then just say CONDOMS…..lol!  Don’t flip on me because YOU had communication issues…..sure, condoms are a FORM of contraception, but when normal people say “Birth Control”,  it is understood that it means

          “The Pill, The Patch, Injections”

          And some seasonal intervention as well.

          LOL, wow, the state of the black family for real.

  • Jaleel shakir

    As long as there is love, open dialog and intelligence in the home the answer is yes.
    Women have been doing the job for a long time now,without the boys who refuse to grow
    up.

  • thepainofayoungchild

    We have all failed, both men and women. I have noticed however a direct correlation between intergration, drugs in our community, the absense of the black father and the subsequent arrogance of the single black mother. These things are all tied together, and if we trace the history of the last 40-50 years within Amerikkka, we will find that in order to rectify the problem we must self segregate, remove the drugs from our community and engage in a dialogue that begins to reconnect the black male and female. Lets work together to resolve our issues and not against each other.  Lets put aside our petty differences and move towards a greater future. We have to power to create change but we must first embrace our brothers and sisters. Yes , black man have issues. Yes black women have issues. Is this where we all want the conversation to end or should this be a platform for our continued discussions and strategic attempts to reconcile OUR differences. THATS THE REAL QUESTION IN MY MIND

    • LSmith

      Beautiful and to the point.  Thanks.

  • Gw626

    no more than a man can teach his daughter how to be a woman .I dont know how it feels to have a period. I cant explain the thought and feelings that a woman feels at the different stages of life from birth to womanhood.I have never been a woman so I am not qualified to responsibly teach my female child what it means to be one. My mother often said that she was both mother and father but i had to tell her that she was the best mother a child could hope for, but there was a big void in my life where my dad should have been.A boy needs that male to mimic that’s why we got the problems on our streets .Not enough men are raising their sons so they mimic what the media portrays or the get advise from the wrong sources.

    • LSmith

      Speak!

  • Schala

    LSMITH HELLO anybody in there???  IT’S called CONDOMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You  sound really intelligent!

    • LSmith

      Schala, HELLO, then say CONDOMS if CONDOMS are what you mean!  Even GOOGLE knows that when you say Birth Control, you’re talking about the PILL or some variation of it.

      Type in “Birth Control” and let Google teach you, I’m done.

      Good luck with “motherhood”.  

      My god.

  • Schala Schifino

    “Single parents – both women and men – can play as critical a role as
    the traditional two-parent family, and gay and lesbian parents can, and
    do, raise happy, resilient children. When it comes to family life, form
    is not merely as important as content. Feeling loved and supported,
    nurtured and safe, is far more critical than the ‘package’ it comes in.”

    Michael S. Kimmel

    (Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men)

    In truth a family is what
    you make it. It is made strong, not by number of heads counted at the
    dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the
    memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show
    to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals
    and as a unit.

    MARGE KENNEDY, The Single Parent Family

    • LSmith

      Whatever you need to tell yourself when you go to sleep sister.

      • LSmith

        You know what,  I take that back.  I sincerely wish you well in your endeavors, despite our disagreement.  Your child will need the well wishing, every child does, and deserves that.

      • LSmith

        You know what,  I take that back.  I sincerely wish you well in your endeavors, despite our disagreement.  Your child will need the well wishing, every child does, and deserves that.

  • Anonymous

    I find it interesting that black men do not believe that a black woman cannot raise a boy into a man, yet most black men were raised by single mothers.  Does that mean that most black men do not view themselves as men, or do most black men view themselves as an exception?

    • wealthylady

      If you would ask most have issues that they are dealing with because of it .

  • Wealthylady

    No women cannot raise a boy to be a man. This why men like Eddie Long was able to capitalize on them.  Each of those cases no man was present in those you men lives.
    Women electing to have children without benefit of marrriage are just feeding the prison system

  • Jredeemed

    We seem to keep beating and stabbing a dead horse. For the person who reference women being to blame for Eddie Long’s faggotry. You must be one. How in the sam hell can a woman be responsible for that? That is the most illogical argument I’ve heard yet. Just so you know not to embarrass yourself with any more fallacies like that, man bos rapped have been by a dad, brother or some other pervert living in the household. So shusshhhhh. Please just shuusssssh.

    • LSmith

      You need to re-read what Wealthylady said.  She’s not blaming women for Eddie Long being gay (lol), she’s saying he was able to prey on them because the boys were looking for a father figure, and because the boys had none at home, they were vulnerable, and Eddie Long was able to take advantage of that.

      Please read before you open your mouth and reveal your misunderstanding.

    • wealthylady

      Read the post “correctly” before you reply!!!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_5UMXXB7L7HLGMH4PR6RME4DBUY ReginaldO

    Probably so. The real question is not if she can, but how well she can accomplish this monumental feat. So far, not so good. Reference the statistics of single parent, women raised males and the incarceration rates.

    • Vernrudolph

      excellent point, i can’t believe the number of comments in my inbox since this article was posted. I live in a small town and u r absolutely correct; its the single parent homes where the young men don’t learn to handle themselves, they need a gun to fight with whereas homes with fathers the guys learn to take a butt whipping and go back out and give one. That simple act(s) goes a long ways towards establishing confidence in a manchild. I speak from experience, coming home from a prison sentence and learning from my 9 yr old son that Mommy told him not to fight even when someone hits u, u don’t hit back. What kind of crap is that.? The way i found out was by watching a kid smack him all upside the knot and him just stand there and take it. Oh the joy in his face when i told him if someone hits u, its okay to defend yourself, just don’t be the one to start trouble. He ran outside and patiently waited til this little punk hit him, need i say that was the end of him being bullied! This was 30 yrs ago and i found my place which is raising my kids and leaving the streets alone.

  • wealthylady

    While we are on the subject there is term that society has come to use to loosely. She is  a ” Single Parent” when the appropriate term is “Unwed Mother” It saddens me to see black women electing to become mother without the benefit of marriage.  Households headed by single mothers, statics show these children are more  likely to live & die in poverty, more likely to be uneducated, undereducated, prepertrator of crime, victims of crime, more likely to end up in the penal system, drugs and the list goes on.  No women cannot raise a boy to be a man. Male make up physically, mentally & spiritually is different from a woman.

    • Nupe112

      What if she was married, had a child, and got a divorce. Technically she would be a single-mother or at least a divorced mother, but not “unwed” 

      • wealthylady

        Read the post!

  • Muffy

    A man can raise a girl alone, and woman can raise a boy alone. Kids should be raised by both parents, but people get divorced, one parent may die, one parent may leave or goes to jail. Being a good parent is about raising a great kid, period. You can also be a good parent and still raise a bad kid, but don’t blame that on your gender or the child’s gender.

  • Jredeemed

    I wanted to say that Domer, and some other male killers were raised by both a man and a woman. Look how they turned out. This leads me to believe that raising a child can turn out good or bad be it with a mother alone, a father alone, or both parents, It depends on the child, and many other factors. No one can prove beyond a reasonable doubt that a being single is indicative of failing to raise a boy….

    • LSmith

      Then what about the rising rates of Black Men in prison.  I’ve mentioned this before, and you still haven’t responded.  You ask for proof then ignore it.  THERE ARE studies that CONFIRM at least a tangential link between being a single parent and FAILURE (prison, being poor, etc).  If you do not believe in these studies, then EXPLAIN why they are wrong.  Don’t just ask for proof and then pretend like you never heard of it.

      • Jredeemed

        I see where you are taking this Lsmith and I am not joining in your foolishness. Just so you know there are equally studies that support single parenting NOT leading to prison. Wow I guess you feel real superior to me because you speled that murderer’s name correctly lol. I asked one to define what a MAN is? What depicts a woman raising a good man. I see you getting angry and silly because people disagree with you on some issues. My point was that some people turn out good/bad despite what family composition they come from. I don’t need a study to confirm that, look around in real life there are many examples of people being raised from 2 parents that are in jail, messed up, etc.  Just know that this is no reason to hate others for not agreeing with you. As a researcher,I can tell you this, THERE ARE NO ABSOLUTES IN ANY STUDY. Seriously. That is why some could be wrong either outlook.
        Also, many people are being released from prison because they were put in there wrongfully and due to racist society, prosecutor and police. In Texas alone one year 200+ people were found to be innocent through the Innocent project after serving 15, 25, or more years in jail. So there are instances where the single parent mother had 0 to do with them being in jail.
        Peace to you—-I am not your enemy LOL LOL LOL Especially due to comments about this article.

        • LSmith

          Really?  What studies?  I’ve never, ever heard of them….please enlighten me…

          And proper spelling isn’t about being superior, it’s about having people take you seriously, especially if you are a researcher as you propose yourself to be.  I am very intelligent, and do not hide it.  Perhaps this is what you speak of?  You know what they say, if you can’t stand the heat…..by the way, it’s “spelled”, not “speled’ lol 

          And hate?  I actually looked over this thread to try to see what you’re talking about, and all I see are a few angry “and hateful” STATEMENTS (not back up by any truth) by a tiny amount of people who do NOT like the truth, or anything approaching it, trying to call “me” hateful, angry, etc  (well, 3 of you anyway)…..isn’t that called casting your “shadow’ upon others?

          And while I agree that indeed, there are no absolutes in any study…..come on…most black prisoners come from single parent homes….any way you try to slice that to point it away to some other cause, no matter how valid in part, by blaming someone else (those dastardly racist whites!)……not the fact that Jimmy shot someone and came from your house, is just….avoiding the matter at hand.

          And 10 years later we’ll still be talking about this like they were in the mid-90’s when I was a teenager.

          Peace to you!  Never did I perceive you or anyone else to be an “enemy”….LOL…..I see that not many people are used to having their ideas vetted and challenged…in colloquial terms it’s called friendly debate.

          May the light of reason see you through.

          P.S.  I did not respond to your request to “define what a man is” because of it’s inherent silliness.  That’s like “define what a woman is”  “define a child”  “define your pet fish” , it’s just dumb.  Not you, I’m not calling you dumb, but the idea….is very stupid.  Men built this world….hundreds upon thousands of years of documented history….the sciences….the arts…..civilization….even the way we govern….the computer you’re using to type your question….lol

          And you’re clueless?

          I’m sorry, I just cannot humor you.

          Again, may the light of reason see you through.

        • Jredeemed

          Please dont contact me again…Im done with you.

          • LSmith

            How about you just don’t respond?  Thanks.

        • Anonymous

          To be honest, you sound like the one coming unhinged, not L Smith.  If you cannot see the STRONG correlation between black men in fatherless homes and prison, poverty, etc, then it is because you are choosing to wear blinders. 

    • LSmith

      Oh, and it’s Dahmer, not Domer……I didn’t even know who you were talking about at first, lol

  • http://www.bestandroidtabletz.com/ Best Android Tablet

    Man this guy gets annoying. The one that is replying to everyone’s comments. Get a life. 

    • LSmith

      Oh, I’m sorry.  Am I upsetting you?  Would you like some warm milk and a cookie?  Did you write this just so I can respond to you?  Feel better now?

  • COCKZILLA74

    NO WOMAN CAN RAISE A BOY TO BE A MAN. AND NO MAN CAN RAISE GIRL TO BE A WOMAN. PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

  • Christopher Thornton2270

    I just finished having this conversation with my wife. I am one of few that can qualify to speak on this due to the fact that I was raised by my Mother without a Father. It is possible to be successful as a female raising a man however it can be extremley rough on the male being rasied. Mothers view Male problems or issues completely different than Fathers. In addition there are Male rules/laws (unwritten) that only another Male can explain to another Male. Niether Mother or Father can validate a Man (refering to the Gay comment) to be honest based off of what both parents instill in the male and what the male adheres to will establish that. My validations of being a man is being able to take care of my family and friends when needed.
      Lastly I was blessed to have guardians (males) that taught me in the abscense of my Father.
      In summary a males presence in a boys life is crucial to his success. There are women that need to let the Fathers be Fathers and not try to take over their role, it’s a joint effort.